Hollywood Closet Don’t tell him what to do on his bike He’s a big boy on his big bike and he knows better than you. So if you dare question Tom’s manly man knowledge, you’re going to get The Hand. Please. Why try? He knows EVERYTHING. He has studied the History of Bikes. You don’t know the By Lainey • Dec 09, 2009 02:12 am
Hollywood Closet Well that explains everything It’s all about the beginning. We all remember our first. What if your first was Shauna Sand? Would that send you off the pussy forever? Shauna has revealed to Star Magazine that she plucked Chace Crawford when he was 18 and that they used to f-ck in her apartment. By Lainey • Nov 25, 2009 05:03 am
Hollywood Closet Don’t be a stuck squirrel! Please. This is the party I would have really wanted to be at. Us Weekly is reporting that on October 16th, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were in London attending a Scientology event with thousands of other Xenu lovers to celebrate the 25th anniversary of the International Association of Scientologists. By Lainey • Oct 21, 2009 04:20 am
Hollywood Closet It was all about the shoes Last week photographers caught Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes in what was presumed to be a scrap. He kept her waiting, they exchanged words, and he had a hissy fit and stormed ahead of her. Click here for a refresher. I posited however that it may not have been an By Lainey • Aug 17, 2009 08:32 am
Hollywood Closet Sideburns and sadness Sometimes Photo Assumption isn’t fun. Those are the times when Photo Assumption hits too close to home. Like there’s only one assumption – or conclusion – to be drawn from the photos and that assumption/conclusion is really, really, really sad. It’s Sarah Jessica Parker and her dandy last By Lainey • Apr 28, 2009 06:10 am
Famewhores Globes Best Friend: Tom Cruise Tom Cruise – he was Mr Popular last night, wasn’t he? Could not WAIT til commercial break, at which point he apparently launched himself up out of his chair in a mad dash to talk to Leo, to Kate, to Steven, to Clint, to anyone who would meet his mother. By Lainey • Jan 12, 2009 03:40 am
Hollywood Closet Gay with a guitar on a boat And he’s not serenading Johnny Gill! St Barts seems to be the warm weather destination of choice for celebrities this holiday - exclusive and expensive and no sign of recession. As you know, Eddie Murphy has made an obscene amount of money wearing fatsuits making the same movie over By Lainey • Dec 30, 2008 07:44 am
Hollywood Closet Bras are icky Those vagina virgins the Jonas Brothers played a show the other night and some child in the audience decided to throw her bra onstage at Joe, the waxy pretty gay one. His reaction was similar to what my main ‘mo Darren does every time I try to talk to him By Lainey • Dec 29, 2008 03:25 am
Hollywood Closet He’s never been happier It’s Travolty in France, still shooting with the androgen of his massage fantasies Jonathan Rhys Meyers. The film is called From Paris With Love – something about a spy although originally he probably thought it was a romance. Still, spending every day on set with someone as pretty as JRM By Lainey • Dec 17, 2008 06:30 am
Hollywood Closet No Jada, No Tom At the premiere of Seven Pounds last night in LA – Will Smith, a rare carpet self promotional occasion withOUT his wife. Ordinarily not a big deal. But it’s been bizarre the comments he and Jada and even Rosario Dawson have been making lately. Rosario plays Will’s love interest By Lainey • Dec 17, 2008 02:11 am
Hollywood Closet Tom in Toronto Tom Cruise is in Toronto right now – media blitz for the embattled Valkyrie which, am told, is not a bad movie, and a very interesting story, but for Tom’s involvement and he’s completely overshadowed and out-acted by Kenneth Branagh, Tom Wilkinson, and Bill Nighy. Valkyrie’s success or By Lainey • Dec 08, 2008 10:31 am
Hollywood Closet His Pants! There is nothing wrong with your eyes. That is indeed Tom Cruise. And his pants… his pants are hanging ever so slightly better. Slightly. An infinitesimal amount. But an infinitesimal improvement nonetheless. How did this happen? Well, he looks like he’s lost weight. Probably working out super hard to By Lainey • Dec 04, 2008 08:00 am
Hollywood Closet Travolty takes a Turkish bath We are balls deep in a f-cking recession and John Travolty decides to fly his private plane, with 3 passengers, all the way to Turkey to partake in a little bath time. Apparently he stayed at the Four Seasons in Sultanahmet, the express purpose of the trip was to check By Lainey • Dec 01, 2008 07:06 am
Famewhores Kate, Kate, Kate and Tom watches football It is a new world. A world Tom is not altogether familiar with. These days, the number one movie at the box office is sold at the mall. Many malls across America. These days you have to hustle. Tom Cruise hasn’t had to hustle in a very long time. By Lainey • Nov 25, 2008 11:46 am
Hollywood Closet Robo evolved? Tom Cruise and his RoboBride celebrate 2 years of wedded bliss today. Two years ago the entire world was invited to Rome. And David Miscavige was Tom’s maid of honour. And Katie Holmes’s imprisonment continues. However despite the rumours and the bullsh-t headlines concocted by Life & Style, By Lainey • Nov 18, 2008 01:02 pm
Parent Pimps JailBait, Gay Pilots, Soul Patches, and Mr T Last night at the Hollywood premiere of Bolt, going head to head with Twilight at the box office this weekend. Family movies vs Vampires and Bond too. It’s a heavyweight battle. Who wins? I’ll settle for Twilight or Bond > the Gay Pilot and JailBait…you? Here’s By Lainey • Nov 18, 2008 05:18 am
