Famewhores The Jessicas and their limits Variety reports that Shelf Ass Jessica Biel has found herself a job. She’ll play Bradley Cooper’s ex lover in A-Team, an army lady who’s on their asses. Or something. This is what you call Hollywood reality. After months and months of waiting, desperately hoping for an opportunity, By Lainey • Sep 17, 2009 03:28 am
Ashton Kutcher So blonde When did Jessica Alba get so blonde? She’s hardly worth paying attention to these days, I can’t remember. Jessica Alba, you see, finds herself in the same professional hole as Jessica Biel these days. Call her if you need a great body. However when she’s now scowling, By Lainey • Sep 01, 2009 10:24 am
Dumbass Weekly crack tweets Best way to kick off the weekend – with some incoherent crack babble courtesy of Lilo’s Twitter. Last night she was at it again, obviously desperate for attention, and bored, and cranked, with her blackberry in hand and a mind understimulated by constant shopping. First this post: Some guy just By Lainey • Jul 10, 2009 06:25 am
Dumbass Dumb & Indignant A terrible combination. So you’ve heard about what Jessica Alba did in Oklahoma City, right? Stupid bitch gleefully slapped shark posters all over the place – posters with no text, no explanation, in the hopes that somehow this would raise awareness about …the great white shark population? Their mating habits? By Lainey • Jun 10, 2009 03:14 am
Famewhores Shelfy gets a job! Revlon announced today that they’ve signed Jessica Biel on as one of their Global Brand Ambassadors. Get ready, you’re about to be shocked, but the paps also photographed Jessica out and about New York today – holding a Revlon bag! Interestingly enough, Jessica Alba is a Global Brand Ambassador By Lainey • May 01, 2009 09:15 am
Jessica Alba Jessica Alba must work Back in the day, on the Vancouver set of Dark Angel, a lovely man approached Jessica Alba, who was standing around with her assistant, to request an autograph for his two young boys who had come to visit dad, on security detail, at work. She wasn’t feeling it. She By Lainey • Mar 03, 2009 02:25 am
Famewhores Predictable Alba Jessica Alba was nominated for multiple Razzies last week despite ongoing efforts at wooing the MiniVan and playing like she’s civic minded. I wrote at the time: How long before the Alba Cow rushes out new photos of herself playing with her daughter to try and erase from public By Lainey • Jan 26, 2009 09:52 am
Famewhores Alba & Ebola Oscar nominations are to be announced early tomorrow morning. And I’ll be putting out a sex tape with Colin Farrell (yeah Duana, come and get it) before Jessica Alba and Ebola Hilton hear their names announced by the Academy. They do however share a dubious distinction. Both the Alba By Lainey • Jan 21, 2009 07:46 am
Famewhores Alba gets cut It’s blunt. You like? I do. She looks really young. Sigh. A fringe. I wish. But can’t. Fringe isn’t feng shui friendly during the 30s says mom. No cover up the forehead luck ah. Jessica Alba though is only 27. She has time. The new cut is By Lainey • Jan 07, 2009 09:16 am
Famewhores Too Easy Yesterday’s post about the Alba Bitch playing Taupe, using her kid for her career… Was pleasantly surprised to receive emails from you mommies quick to point out her fraud – apparently the hoop earrings were the telltale sign? See this is why I need you. Because of course being baby By Lainey • Jan 06, 2009 08:32 am
Jessica Alba All smiles on a night out Jessica Alba and her husband were spotted out and about yesterday no baby and then extended their free night on the town at Crown Bar and then Bardot. As you can see, she actually smiled. Jessica Alba is in good spirits. She starts shooting The Killer Inside Me in a By Lainey • Dec 30, 2008 02:32 am
Dumbass Dunder Alba Demon Ausiello is reporting that along with Jack Black, The Office has secured Jessica Alba for an appearance on the episode of The Office that will air immediately following the Super Bowl. Jessica is coming back to TV! Where she belongs! Great move by her agent. And one that Shelfy Biel By Lainey • Dec 16, 2008 12:23 pm
Jessica Alba Alba Origami Remember when Jessica Alba said she wanted to be known for her talent and not for her looks? Well… It actually depends how much you pay her. Campari paid her so she sold out. And now she’s starring in the Campari calendar, doing what she does best – showing off By Lainey • Dec 03, 2008 01:58 am
Girly Throw Downs Those bangs… Are the sh-ts. Does she know? Does Jessica know? That she’s not Heidi Klum? I don’t think she knows. Because we already know she has an inflated opinion of her abilities – physical and professional. This is Jessica Alba last night at the Black Ball, hanging out with Alicia By Lainey • Nov 14, 2008 06:24 am
Dumbass Bangs for acting smart Please. This is Jessica Alba on the New York set of her next movie An Invisible Sign of My Own based on the book of the same name about a trouble young girl who also happens to be a math wiz recruited to teach young students and magic happens. Alba By Lainey • Nov 05, 2008 08:34 am
Jessica Alba The City means she`s serious Well that’s an awfully stylish hat to be wearing out and about on a casual stroll with the baby, not wanting to be photographed, non? That hat. Love. Here’s Jessica Alba looking amazing today, shot this afternoon in New York with Honor. Hilariously the photo agency labelled the By Lainey • Nov 03, 2008 06:27 am
