Jessica Simpson Porny’s new hair, hot legs It’s another Ken Paves soap opera creation – he and his most high profile client Jessica Simpson were shot leaving his salon last night after spending hours inside working on a new ‘do. Blonde curly mall waves. Mall waves weave? Probably not a bad bed. You know they sell them, By Lainey • Jan 06, 2010 05:08 am
Assy Style Best of 2009: Porny at the Chili Cook-off! Please. You know it was coming. There’s a special place in my heart for Jessica Simpson. She isn’t evil inside like Ebola Hilton. Porny’s issues stem from her father’s f-ckery, and the lack of true friendship and brain mass. But she’s not ill intentioned. There By Lainey • Dec 31, 2009 09:51 am
Style Porny’s best face is a fresh face Been saying it forever: when she’s stripped down of all her tacky ass stylings, Jessica Simpson is so much more attractive. She has great skin, she looks so much younger, she is SO pretty. Especially with a winter flush. See? Jess is in New York with her mom to By Lainey • Dec 22, 2009 02:16 am
Cheating Loins Porny steps up… But what about Chris Martin? Star Magazine photo assumed the dumbest story last week about Jessica Simpson dealing with Tiger Woods suggesting they had an affair. Simpson immediately denied the report and according to Gossip Cop she had her lawyer send over a warning, demanding a retraction. Or else. The By Lainey • Dec 21, 2009 02:56 am
BFFs Porny is a good friend But her friends aren’t good friends…? Last night Jessica Simpson’s make up artist Mary Phillips couldn’t hold her vodka and was arrested for being obnoxious at the Sunset Tower. She must have been well well well past breaking because word is they have a very high tolerance By Lainey • Dec 18, 2009 07:32 am
Hook Ups More on Porny & Pumpkin Just a small detail for the 2 of you who still don’t believe it… Thanks to a reader called RF who had the (mis)fortune of sitting one seat over from Jessica Simpson and Billy Corgan last Friday night during the performance of Chicago in New York and observed By Lainey • Dec 10, 2009 05:16 am
Hook Ups Simpson & the Pumpkin E!Online is reporting that Jessica Simpson has found a new boyfriend: Billy Corgan. Random. And terrible. Billy Corgan is talented, sure, but he deals with Courtney Love. Jessica’s now running in this circle? She won’t survive it. Corgan was spotted in the background during a night out By Lainey • Dec 09, 2009 04:21 am
Style There’s a good girl It’s like talking to a toddler. When everyone gathers around to watch as she successfully puts one foot in front of the other without falling, or goes to the bathroom by herself, or speaks in a short proper sentence for the first time. What a good girl! Who’s By Lainey • Dec 02, 2009 02:51 am
Assy Style Disco Porny can’t multitask You know I have a soft spot for Jessica Simpson. She makes mistakes, she says stupid sh-t, she will always choose cheap over classy, but it also seems wrong to hate on someone so dumb. There are good intentions underneath those breasts. It just takes a lot of patience to By Lainey • Dec 01, 2009 02:47 am
Thinnification Porny thinnifies again Jessica Simpson has been working hard at the gym. She’s been tweeting about it too. They say she’s taken off 15 pounds with her trainer, will likely be Daisy Duke shaped again by the time she promotes her beauty reality show. Alanis would say: Don’t you think? By Lainey • Nov 20, 2009 11:02 am
Dumbass Porny prose This full moon is beaming through my window with grace. I am falling asleep encountering this intense moonlit dream. Thank God it found me. The search for the perfect sentence stops here. And what an abundance of generosity. For Jessica Simpson has gifted us with not one, but two offerings. By Lainey • Nov 03, 2009 07:57 am
Jessica Simpson Porny in India! Jessica Simpson was photographed in India yesterday, another trip for her pseudo doc series The Price of Beauty. The price of beauty is her personal hairstylist who comes everywhere with her and is likely not paid for out of her own pocket but as part of her contract for doing By Lainey • Oct 27, 2009 04:37 am
Hook Ups Porny & Spittle!?!? Post divorce, Jessica Simpson has the worst taste in men. And the same taste as Jennifer Aniston. John Mayer, now Gerard Butler? So says Page Six, reporting today that Porny had dinner with Spittle on Tuesday, accompanied by friends but totally cocooned in their own imaginary bubble, eventually leaving the By Lainey • Oct 22, 2009 03:14 am
Assy Style Being mean to Porny It’s too easy. There’s no art to it. I mean this? This is WEAK. And this is why I think I started rooting for her. Jessica Simpson isn’t a bad heart. She’s just genetically stupid. It’s the lack of leadership in her life, and friendship By Lainey • Oct 14, 2009 04:18 am
Style Douchey’s $800 hair I bunked at Duana’s last week when I was in Toronto and Michelle came over one night late and somehow our super fun conversation degenerated into a John Mayer lovefest during which they tried to peer pressure me into appreciating him by playing me his song Comfortable. They sat By Lainey • Oct 13, 2009 07:36 am
Assy Style Life without Daisy I’m not trashing Jessica Simpson for losing her dog. She might be dumb as f-ck with poor taste in men, pathetic and sad and stylistically challenged, but when it comes to the death of Daisy, I’m not jumping on the hate train with Martha Stewart and so many By Lainey • Sep 22, 2009 03:57 am
