Dumbass Dumb Words My Porny, ONCE AGAIN, took to Twitter to express gratitude that Eric Johnson has agreed to live off her fortune. The other day, Jacek called me Toronto from Vancouver to get me to call our regular sushi place to order him takeout. It's because I talk to the By Lainey • Jan 24, 2011 04:55 am
Assy Style New Year, Same Porny When I saw these photos of my Porny on New Year’s Eve in Aspen with her golddigging future husband, I wondered whether or not I knew the meaning of real, profound love. The kind real, profound love that moves one to abandon all senses, especially sight, and waddle out By Lainey • Jan 03, 2011 02:19 am
Assy Style A Very Porny Christmas My Porny Jessica Simpson just celebrated her first Christmas with golddigger Eric Johnson. According to her Twitter, they were at her parents’, and she called him the “perfect” addition. Because, even though she runs an almost billion dollar business, she’ll always be the second class citizen in a relationship. By Lainey • Dec 29, 2010 02:45 am
Douchebags Worst of 2010: John Mayer in Playboy This was the interview where he called Jessica Simpson sexual napalm. Totally offside and really, really disrespectful and I know this is wrong but every time I hear that expression now, SEXUAL NAPALM, I see Porny and her high waisted pants and, well, I chuckle. But it was – if anything By Lainey • Dec 09, 2010 09:37 am
Style Porny isn’t pregnant, just drunk Remember when she looked like this and all you bumpwatch obsessed immediately concluded that she must be pregnant. Well... Is Jessica Simpson stupid enough to harm her baby with the drank? Debatable. But the people around her should probably be aware of the harmful effects that margaritas and tequila shots By Lainey • Dec 02, 2010 05:48 am
Assy Style Porny plays the Doctor Game & Sailor Suits My Porny Simpson’s engagement was the top story for, oh, maybe 5 minutes. Then Prince William came along and shot her ass off the front page. Swifty and Jakey kept her off too. Now the Brange is dominating the spotlight to sell their new projects... So what does a By Lainey • Dec 01, 2010 04:15 am
Jessica Simpson Porny Float She performed during the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade in New York today. Something from her new Christmas album. When I say “performed” I mean she tried really hard to mouth the words. And not forget them. This is not singing. But it is pretty funny. Especially when she scrunches By Lainey • Nov 25, 2010 05:46 am
Baby and Bump Obsession Porny’s not pregnant At least that’s what she told Access Hollywood. The other day the bump-obsessed among you swore up and down that she looked rough at the airport in New York because she’s in her first trimester. Could be. But she says no. “There are no babies yet. But I By Lainey • Nov 24, 2010 02:19 am
Baby and Bump Obsession Hard to say After the way she looked yesterday at the airport – click here for a refresher – many of you wrote to me swearing up and down that my Porny must be pregnant. You people have also sworn up and down that Kate Hudson/Katie Holmes/Jennifer Garner/Britney Spears/Angelina Jolie have By Lainey • Nov 23, 2010 05:16 am
Dumbass Porny hides her ring...and not Jessica Simpson arrived in New York last night with her fiancé/professional escort and her father. This combination... I mean... How would you like to hang out permanently with your fiance and your father? Look at the two of them side by side. They’re starting to have the same By Lainey • Nov 22, 2010 03:20 am
Dumbass Porny paid See? I knew it. I know her better than she knows herself. I know her better than she knows...anything. Here’s what I wrote yesterday about her pathetic engagement: You have two choices here to explain it: either that dumbass couldn’t wait to tell the world she’s By Lainey • Nov 16, 2010 04:29 am
Dumbass P for Porny, P for Pathetic You’ve heard by now I’m sure. Not even a week after her ex-husband’s engagement is announced, Porny Jessica Simpson has confirmed that she’s engaged too. Only Jessica Simpson could turn a wedding proposal into a f-cking consolation prize. And it’s a goddamn embarrassment on so By Lainey • Nov 15, 2010 03:05 am
Girly Throw Downs Porny drunk and petty? It’s my favourite story this week. Remember when Jessica Simpson went out for dinner with her boyfriend at the same restaurant as her ex husband Nick Lachey and ‘Nessa Minnillo? Click here for a refresher. According to Us Weekly, my Porny drank away her insecurities, and then let her By Lainey • Oct 28, 2010 10:16 am
Colin Farrell Pass on Ass Written by Sasha If you’re a long time reader of Lainey’s then you might remember a story about the Colin Farrell eye-fu*k. This isn’t going to be a braggy post, I promise, but now that the dude is single it seems like the appropriate time to By Lainey • Oct 27, 2010 03:36 am
Girly Throw Downs The people around Porny...and her ex-husband Jessica Simpson and her attachment Eric Johnson went out for dinner last night to Red-O in Hollywood. Also there, purely by coincidence, was ex-husband Nick Lachey with his long-time squeeze Vanessa Minnillo. No, no, no, I’m sure it wasn’t awkward. But Eric was awfully extra about his affection By Lainey • Oct 22, 2010 04:13 am
Golddiggers Porny gets it right and also very wrong It’s exactly as Sasha said yesterday in the article about the Big Boob Rule – click here for a refresher. Jessica Simpson in a scoop neck under a blazer, I mean f-ck those tits are still crazy but it’s flattering, and she looks good, and there’s nothing suggestively By Lainey • Oct 14, 2010 03:15 am
