Douchebags Where was your father last night? Mine was at home getting squawked at. JailBait Miley Cyrus’s was on the red carpet at the Hannah Montana movie premiere last night, spackled with a month’s worth of foundation, that f-cking soul patch freshly combed out, working the full douchebag pose in front of the cameras. Why By Lainey • Apr 03, 2009 03:57 am
Clown Where was your mother last night? My mother was at home. She’s been at home for 2 days recovering from surgery, driving us crazy. My dad in particular. Because he’s there. At least with me, I have the phone as a buffer. Recovery means no casino. Recovery also means no mahjong. No casino and By Lainey • Apr 03, 2009 03:45 am
Clown Girls & Gifts Lindsay Lohan has been rolling around recently in a sweet ride – a Maserati valued at, so they say, $100,000. Her assistant nicked it last week and apparently it cost ten grand to fix the damage (very minor). Aside: why the f-ck does unhireable Lindsay Lohan have an assistant??? I By Lainey • Mar 31, 2009 05:37 am
Parent Pimps Violence is wrong Of course it is. I know this. Totally. But don’t lie. Don’t lie because I won’t believe you. You, like me, you want to punch her, don’t you? In the mouth. A punch in her beat-me mouth, I know you want to. Doesn’t mean you By Lainey • Mar 30, 2009 10:35 am
Parent Pimps Crack ramblings run in the family Oh the Lohans… What would we do without the Lohans? Thanks to Matthew L for sending me a link to Dina Lohan’s Twitter – it’s my favourite thing about today. She’s like John Mayer. Except her grammar is for sh-t. And she can’t function within 140 characters. By Lainey • Mar 25, 2009 07:55 am
Parent Pimps Is that the only reason? JailBait Miley Cyrus is currently on some kind of promotional tour – book, movie, virginity – and was on the radio yesterday with Detroit’s Mojo in the Morning on WKQI when she was asked when she and that f-cking 20 year old loser she’s dating Justin Gaston are moving in By Lainey • Mar 11, 2009 04:46 am
Clown Sit DOWN Panettiere Little bitch, big ego, needs to sit the f-ck DOWN. Hayden Panettiere was on the carpet at an event in Hawaii the other day. It was a fundraiser for a local hospital. The press was there. This is why SHE was there. To PROMOTE the cause. Hayden was crusty from By Lainey • Mar 09, 2009 05:27 am
Parent Pimps Vagina Virgins come in 2nd They arrived in Vegas yesterday to promote their movie – the fans lost their sh-t. Here are the Vagina Virgins greeting their devoted. They certainly needed the love. Because their concert film was supposed to open at #1 this weekend. Instead, it came in at #2 behind Tyler Perry’s Madea By Lainey • Mar 02, 2009 06:28 am
Parent Pimps Running with JailBait Do you run? Unfortunately, my trainer Hayley McGowan has forced me into running. I started running a minute, walking a minute. Now I can run 10k! I tried running on the Strip yesterday morning. It wasn’t fun being the asshole running on the Strip on a Sunday morning during By Lainey • Mar 02, 2009 02:06 am
Parent Pimps Oscar sit your dumbass DOWN: Miley Cyrus As I said on the show last night, Dolly Parton exploded all over her dress. I can’t…I can’t talk about this dress. Like what the f-ck in hick town hill billy is she wearing? And seriously, did her parents raise her in a convenience store? Please… Please By Lainey • Feb 23, 2009 03:57 am
Famewhores Little Sci the spectacle Seriously, this is ridiculous. Yes, Little Sci is adorable. SOOOO cute. Her princess dress is the best. She’s totally all over it. But her parents pretty much stopped traffic yesterday at Disneyworld in front of a large crowd for some kind of official photo shoot with Mickey and Minnie By Lainey • Feb 17, 2009 01:44 am
Parent Pimps The Best Kind of Apology Take two. JailBait was told by Disney after pressure from Asian advocacy groups to rewrite her apology because the first time wasn’t good enough. In this climate, no one wants to piss off investors. It always comes down to money, non? So anyway, Miley Cyrus posted another message on By Lainey • Feb 10, 2009 06:17 am
Parent Pimps Worst Grammy Share: Taylor & JailBait Sounds the title for a comic book. LOVE Taylor Swift. She was live at eTalk a few weeks ago and could not have been sweeter. Despite riding a chart high for weeks, killing it in album sales, Taylor has no pretentions. And her mother is not Dina Lohan. I remember By Lainey • Feb 09, 2009 07:44 am
Parent Pimps They don’t read, they can’t write Many of you have emailed for reaction re: this photo of JailBail Miley Cyrus making slanty Asian eyes with her friends. Her birth name was Destiny Hope and she was raised by a hillbilly and pimped out to Hollywood – what did you expect? Ignorant dumbass. While we’re on the By Lainey • Feb 05, 2009 06:22 am
Parent Pimps Homecoming Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson pictured leaving the Chateau Marmont last night. You know she used to live there, right? She was all of 17 years old and her mother, her amazing mother, decided the Marmont would be the perfect place for her daughter to take up permanent residence in By Lainey • Feb 05, 2009 02:53 am
Parent Pimps Not eating but driving Well this can’t be good… You know what happens when Lilo is ultra skinny and gets behind the wheel? This is Lindsay Lohan in LA today driving around in her car. She’s been deliberately lying low for days following controversy about her weight, covering up her body at By Lainey • Feb 04, 2009 10:29 am
