Assy Style SAG Worst: Eva Longoria What is the point of Eva Longoria? What is the reason for Eva Longoria? Is there a reason for Eva Longoria? I don’t understand. Like, this dress. This dress, the colour, this colour is for food. Some food colours don’t belong on a dress. This food colour doesn’ By Lainey • Jan 26, 2009 02:59 am
Gorgessity Best SAG: Evan Rachel Wood Colour, cut, fit, shoes (SHOEs!!!)…without question, last night belonged to Evan Rachel Wood. Marilyn Manson clouds are receding… Evan Rachel Wood is re-emerging. And how. She has been perfect all awards season. Cannot wait for Oscar. As for those of you who still won’t forgive her for Dita By Lainey • Jan 26, 2009 02:55 am
Bitch please SAG Robo Why? Katie Holmes presenting Best Actor? Why? Because she’s married to Tom Cruise? Because her Little Sci is Hollywood’s most popular baby? Because the MiniVan Majority wants it to be? Yes, yes, and yes. At the very least then, Katie knew her role. She did not walk the carpet. By Lainey • Jan 26, 2009 02:47 am
Pitt Porn SAG Don’t Bother: The Brange They were noticeably more chatty last night, right? They worked the press line separately and even stopped for E! because there was no Seacrest… not that Guiliana DeSh-ts didn’t do her best to annoy them: - Have you become a better woman/man since being with Brad Pitt/the By Lainey • Jan 26, 2009 02:40 am
Quiveration SAG Best Couple: Sean Penn Forget Robin’s saggy sateeny dress. It’s unflattering yes. But they look great together. Whatever holds it together. And it’s HIM. Sean Penn is all sex. There was never a question as to why he’s the love of Madonna’s life. Of course he was. The danger. By Lainey • Jan 26, 2009 02:24 am
SAG Awards 2009 SAG Saving Up: Penelope Cruz Is she in a hair rut? I feel like she’s in a hair rut. And a dress rut too. Like, enough with the flared bottom mermaid business. It’s tired. And while black is never bad, and of course she doesn’t look bad, she also looks boring. Seen By Lainey • Jan 26, 2009 02:15 am
Quiveration SAG Ladies and Ralph: Meryl, Susan, Kristin Awards season means the likes of Lauren Conrad are shoved to the side…have you noticed? It’s time for real stars, real celebrity, so f-ck off reality twats because Meryl Streep has just won a SAG. Wearing a pantsuit. Heh. Love that Meryl is never super appreciative. That she By Lainey • Jan 26, 2009 01:56 am
Assy Style SAG Prom: Freida Pinto Please. Find her a stylist. Or sack the existing one. It’s a crime this girl, as gorgeous as she is, cannot live up to her true potential on a big night. Because at every major carpet this season, Freida Pinto is wearing a prom dress. SAG was no exception. By Lainey • Jan 26, 2009 01:40 am
Girlcrushes Best SAG Reese Witherspoon: Tina Fey Two years ago at the Golden Globes, ready to emerge from her divorce, Reese Witherspoon showed up at the Globes wearing a bright yellow strapless cocktail length Nina Ricci in one of the freshest looks of the season. It’s a different colour and obviously not exactly the same, but By Lainey • Jan 26, 2009 01:33 am
Assy Style Worst SAG White: Teri Hatcher Desperate Housewives is still bringing big ratings. This explains why they’re still invited. But really…it’s not 2004 anymore. People may care about the show, but no one cares about the actors. So far all intents and purposes, it’s like they’re CSI, you know what I By Lainey • Jan 26, 2009 01:26 am
Assy Style Worst SAG neutral: American Ferrera Washed her out. Badly. She has such beautiful skin. Normally it pops. The taupe stopped the pop. The taupe killed the pop. Duana took issue with the chest area. The way the tulle is pinned - it’s a mess. And look closely. See if you can zoom in to By Lainey • Jan 26, 2009 01:15 am
Girlcrushes SAG Best Body: Kate Winslet It’s a real woman’s body, right? Especially in this dress. Authentic breasts, the presence of hips – HIPS! – and curves and an ass and she’s fit, but she eats too, and while there may or may not be some Spanx activation, at the same time you also know By Lainey • Jan 26, 2009 01:07 am
Assy Style SAG Disappointing: Emily Blunt That’s a sick body. But that is also a low classy looking dress. And it breaks my heart. Because as you know, Emily Blunt is a favourite. But this…this is budget. When the seam that splits from her breasts does not travel a straight line down, all the By Lainey • Jan 26, 2009 12:54 am
SAG Awards 2009 SAG Most Improved: Jenna Fischer She’s normally at hot mess at awards shows. Like, Jenna Fischer canNOT get it together. So, all things considered, this isn’t bad. Nothing stands out, nothing offends, nothing terribly remarkable, the hair is soft and wavy, the makeup soft and pretty, the breasts respectfully and not garishly on By Lainey • Jan 26, 2009 12:47 am
Douchebags SAG Crotch Itch: Mickey Rourke It’s no secret…he’ll readily admit it… the man is depraved. Quite obviously, awards season turns him on. Or his psoriasis is flaring up. Whatever the reason, Mickey Rourke can’t keep his hands off his junk. Like constantly. Perhaps it’s his way of dealing with nerves. By Lainey • Jan 26, 2009 12:38 am
SAG Awards 2009 SAG Awards Wrap-Up Slumdog is sweeping everything. Like, everything. But never forget what the Academy did to Brokeback. So the SAGs happened last night. The Brange, as usual, had them screaming loudest even though Angelina decided to put everyone to sleep in her toga. But Meryl, Kate, Tina Fey…how’s that for By Lainey • Jan 26, 2009 12:33 am
