Assy Style Noooooooooooooooo… One step forward, five steps back. Oh Porny. Don’t you have a mirror? On Friday night, Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo took her tits out for dinner at the Waverly Inn. She looks like she can barely walk. She looks like she can barely breathe! Apparently the sight of By Lainey • Feb 16, 2009 02:50 am
Jock Smut Porny plays it right So proud of her! She’s just so dumb, it’s extra rewarding when she gets something right. Oh good girl! So Porny performed at Madison Square Garden last night opening for Rascal Flatts. Someone seems to have stepped in because lately, lately the clothing has been accentuating her strong By Lainey • Feb 13, 2009 02:11 am
Jock Smut What’s wrong Jessie? Let me help! TMZ is reporting that during a performance last night in Grand Rapids, Michigan, our Porny supposedly exhibited signs of emotional distress. According to locals, one of the indications was that she forgot the lyrics to her own song Come On Over. Um… Clearly they don’t know By Lainey • Feb 06, 2009 03:01 am
Jock Smut The First Couple of Fail There is no hate-on for Porny. Quite the opposite actually. Over time, my black ass heart has opened for Jessica Simpson out of sheer pity. She doesn’t mean unwell. She’s not poorly intentioned. But she was raised, well, you know, by a dude who freely talks about her By Lainey • Jan 27, 2009 06:45 am
Jock Smut Common-law Cowboy Tony Romo is very, very serious about Jessica Simpson. Because he’s implying that she’s much more than just a girlfriend. The message is that she’s almost a wife. Like a common-law wife, wifely enough to be included in the 2008 Cowboys Family Cookbook presented by “the wives By Lainey • Jan 06, 2009 07:00 am
Jock Smut Porny consolation She’s actually not porny at all here. What she is is very, very pretty. Always pretty when she’s not tackied up. Jessica accompanied Tony Romo back to Dallas this weekend after celebrating new year’s in Miami, trying to help him forget about his embarrassing three turnovers that By Lainey • Jan 05, 2009 02:29 am
Jessica Simpson Jess in Herve She continues to soldier on – promoting her country album Do You Know at almost every stop in New York. Last night it was Letterman and two wardrobe changes. First a black Herve Leger and peep toe Loubies which she wore on the show and then a long sleeve bore as By Lainey • Sep 12, 2008 02:55 am
Jock Smut Please. Stop. Talking. Porny… please! A new week, a new example – Jessica Simpson needs a girlfriend. But I can’t be there every minute of every day, watching her every move, correcting every cocked up thing she says. At some point she has to learn independence. You have to let them fly on By Lainey • Aug 28, 2008 03:05 am
Jock Smut Porny interior design Tony Romo bought a new house in Dallas: over 5,000 sq ft, 5 bedrooms, a rec room , and a pool in a gated community with a golf course. Nice. Even better? The price! Only $700K! Why only? Because here in Vancouver, where real estate is becoming criminal, $700K MIGHT By Lainey • Aug 26, 2008 05:49 am
Girly Throw Downs No Jess! No no! It’s like… it’s like she’s never, ever been to a sleepover, you know? The truth reveals itself much too often: Jessica Simpson has no girlfriends. No true girlfriends. No true back up. No girls with whom to discuss strategy – either via group session at lunch, or these By Lainey • Aug 21, 2008 04:28 am
Jock Smut Country Bitch vs Country Porn You know how it is: Girl sh*t is the best sh*t. And I love a good bitch. But a bitch who hides her bitch under the guise of country wholesome sweetness? That bitch is more like a capital C. We’re speaking of course of Carrie Underwood – her By Lainey • Aug 11, 2008 08:41 am
Jock Smut Helping Him Study NFL preseason kicked off last week. The Dallas Cowboys opened with a loss to San Diego and while preseason games don’t count for anything, needless to say, a team needs to work out its kinks before the real action begins in September. This is Tony Romo with Jessica Simpson By Lainey • Aug 11, 2008 02:46 am
Marcus and Friends (dogs) Deciphering Jessica Simpson The effort is there...but so is the cheese. Granted, it’s over the top corny and I’m the bitch who’s dead inside. So most of the time, as soon as I hear the words “cherish” and “heart” in the same sentence, it’s an excuse to head By Lainey • Jul 31, 2008 07:29 am
Jock Smut Tits & Romo in Tahoe Tony Romo played in a golf tournament at Lake Tahoe the other day, Jessica Simpson flew in to join him with her sister and brother-in-law. As you can see, Jess, wearing white, tried to sneak into the event incognito. Very subtle. While in Tahoe Jess and Tony also showed up By Lainey • Jul 14, 2008 02:09 am
Jock Smut Kicking off the Country Campaign It’s been brewing for a while but Jessica Simpson’s courtship of the country circuit is moving into a more aggressive stage. She showed up in Nashville and surprised fans with an impromptu autograph session at the CMA Music Festival Block Party on Wednesday and sampled some local nightlife By Lainey • Jun 06, 2008 04:50 am
Jock Smut Pimping > Parenting Obviously it sucks for her love life… but it’s also f*cking embarrassing. To have the reputation that not only can she not hold a man, she needs daddy to hold on to him for her, and as always, at the heart of it all, a father who cannot By Lainey • Jun 05, 2008 02:26 am
