Celine Dion prefers performing with a wired microphone. I’m sure there’s a technical reason for this but also, when she’s using a wired mic, she can swing it around like a lasso and do the mic drop move from one hand to the other and, sometimes, hold the microphone in one hand like it’s a guitar and belt with the other hand like she’s shredding. This is hilariously stupid-looking and corny but she doesn’t give a sh-t and neither did anyone in the arena last night because nobody has ever required Celine Dion to be the cool one. What makes her so cool is that she has always been not cool. Almost every time she spoke last night a dad joke came out of her mouth. When she wasn’t telling dad jokes she was singing so perfectly it sounded like it was a record. When she wasn’t singing perfectly she was fist-pumping and gesticulating wildly with her arms like it was a fight scene in a movie with the facial expressions to match, set to the soundtrack of almost 30 songs that we all know the words to. They just kept and coming and coming, the songs, the feelings, more songs, and more feelings. At one point I was so overwhelmed with all her feelings that they became my feelings and I briefly considered running toward the exit, an unworthy vessel for, pretty much, all the emotions in the world.
But then, of course, she’d do something crazy to break the moment, and bring me right back. That’s the full power of her feelings wizardry. She understands how to calibrate the intensity of the feelings, sometimes with a water break.
Yes, after an hour of singing love, non-stop, even Celine Dion needs a sip of water. But instead of just taking a sip of water, she had to be dramatic about it and ask the audience if we would mind if she took a sip of water.
Bitch! Go get your water!
But isn’t that the most Celine Dion gesture? She turned the simple act of hydration into a performance, literally made “thirst” a moment. And the thing about her is that even though it was over-the-top and entirely unnecessary, somehow she makes you believe that she really needed your approval before she sipped the f-cking water!
And that too is what makes her so special. It’s not like anyone who goes to see her doesn’t know she’s extra as f-ck.
But when she marvels at the musicianship of the artists sharing the stage with her, when she gasps that everyone can sing along with her, when she is moved to tears by the extended ovation, her hands alternating between covering her heart and wrapping her arms around her body, hugging herself as she takes in the love from the crowd, she actually does make it seem like it’s happening to her for the first time. Can anyone else perform authenticity as convincingly as Celine Dion?
Celine is trying to tell us she is grateful. When you are with her, watching her, you believe it. And then you’re grateful in return, even though you’re still paying off the ticket that you bought six months ago. But it was worth it. Celine will be on tour for another 10 months, until September 2020. If you’re going, just know, it’s worth it. And by then, also know, she’ll be more energetic than you.
At 51, Celine is as fit and strong as she’s ever been. Not only in her voice but in her body. Celine is healthy. I know this because she was in heels all night and was capable of side-to-side skip lunges, dipping down low like a teen at a house party, and not missing a single note or sounding out of breath. Our girl has the kind of energy that can only come when someone’s looking after themselves, caring about themselves, and loving themselves.
That, I think, is the best takeaway from the night. Celine is in a good place. Celine is at peace. Celine is thriving. A new day has come!
Yours in gossip,