Written by Sasha

A great friend of mine who happens to have some perfectly great big knockers told me the other day: “girls with big boobs should NOT wear anything closed off at the top”. Now, I fall into the ‘cupcake category’ so I’ve never had to worry about my chest limiting this particular style choice. I remember back in the day during my “Boy meets World” stage I was really quite jealous of Topanga’s boobs. So one day after watching a riveting episode I stuffed my super chic sports bra and looked in the mirror and realized, “holy sh-t! I look ridiculous and kind of a bit dumpy”. From that day on I started to appreciate my smaller serving. But I’ve gotta admit, whenever I see a girl with a big rack, that jealousy bubbles up again and I wonder what it must be like to shove them in someone’s face. You always want what you can’t have.

Anyway, back to the conversation. When I was informed of this ‘rule’ I was actually kind of shocked. I wrote back “Are you telling me that they have to suffer through the cold weather… are they never allowed to wear a neck?” Again her answer was unequivocally “No”.

I needed to investigate.

This picture of the Kardashian sisters is Exhibit A. Can we first just talk for a moment about these prints? They have to be some of the tackiest ass animal prints I’ve ever seen on a human being. And also why in the world did they think it would be okay to wear animal prints TOGETHER?!

However after seeing this picture….I get it. I feel the onset of claustrophobia just looking at the two of them. I want to tear apart that cheap fabric and just let their tits breathe. But maybe it’s just the print that’s making me crazy?

I kept looking for more evidence and who better to get to the bottom of this top issue than Jessica Simpson. Why is this girl always the measure of what NOT to do? My heart goes out to her. But let’s get real: Jessica has some pretty wack style. And from the pictures below you’ll see the difference right away. As soon as she wears something that shows her décolletage (I hate this word) it just opens her up giving her such a nice sexy long silhouette – like here, go click, as opposed to this black ensemble (below) next to it where she looks a bit umpa lumpa-esque.

So after seeing all the proof I was ready to sign the petition; all big boobs must live a neck free existence. Until….I came across this picture of Jess in a camel pull over, with yes, a bonafide turtle neck!!!! And she looks lovely!

So here’s the deal people. I think you CAN wear something that covers your neck IF and only IF it’s not tight in the body. As soon as you have something fitted from the torso all the way up to your neck your fashion statement will read unfortunate. It just ends up looking like you’ve swallowed your own boobs and are still digesting them.

For the most part though you should always opt for something that exposes your neck and chest a bit---a scoop neck, a v-neck, whatever you fancy. And when it comes to the colder months you CAN throw on a scarf. Even I don’t understand the science behind this one but it works. (Note from Lainey: it’s also very Chinese. Even in the summer. Air conditioning!)

Before you start freaking out that I’m disenfranchising your rack, remember I’m not talking the beginning of the alphabet here, I’m talking D’s and up.

And if you need an actual visual reference please look at these naked pictures of Kim Kardashian (click here) on the cover of W magazine. Um, holy fu*k. Remember the time she said she regretted Playboy…..

Well you get my point now, let those suckers hang out free, there’s no need to cover them up.

Thanks for sending in your style questions. Keep them coming! Micol – I’m looking into your “club arm” dilemma!

Photos from CH/Snappers NC/MAP/Splashnewsonline.com