There’s been this commercial playing in front of my maritime disaster videos on Youtube for Stella Artois featuring Matt Damon, Ludacris, Jeremy Allen White, and Zoe Saldaña. They sit around a table and pretend they’ve met before and talk about who they would have dinner with if they could share a meal with anyone. Jeremy Allen White responds, “A culinary genius…definitely no actors.”


 Here’s the ad:


Over the last few months, I have not been able to skip that ad fast enough—I just want to watch videos about sunken boats and ghost ships! Leave me to my stories!—so I never quite knew what it was for. I just assumed it was a regular Stella Artois ad, but actually, it was for a sweepstakes. “The World’s Most Fascinating Dinner” was a contest for 15 people (and their plus-ones) to win a trip to New York for an event with Matt Damon, Ludacris, Jeremy Allen White, and Zoe Saldaña, among other celebrities and celebrity chefs. The event benefits, the non-profit Damon co-founded that addresses water and sanitation needs across the globe.


Not to be rude, but being entirely rude, let’s be honest—any dinner party that involves Matt Damon is automatically not the most fascinating. You cannot convince me that bleached bean is a fascinating conversationalist. Ludacris yes—he can give us the low down on the #Family Feud. Zoe, sure, she has decades in the industry and can talk about James Cameron AND Britney Spears. Even Jeremy Allen White seems interesting in comparison to Matt Damon.

Now, a dinner party with Ben Affleck? YES, PLEASE. You KNOW he has stories. And you know he gossips! That man has a gossiping face if I’ve ever seen one. We wouldn’t even need a dinner party. We can just catch up in the parking lot at Dunkin, no black tie required.