All The Ways To Feel About Darren Criss’s Brother

I love a big reaction, from myself or others. “Understated is overrated” is my motto, even if I didn’t know it until just now. But I didn’t initially feel that way about Darren Criss’s baby name that came my way several times over the past 24 hours. It has grown and changed over that time and I don’t even know what that says about me. 

So – Darren Criss and his wife Mia Swier announced the birth of their son, Brother László Criss.

Yes, Brother is his first name. Initially, I did not know this. I thought he was their first child. And honestly, I think it’s fair to air some of my initial rationale: if you call a kid “Brother”, that name exists in relation to other people, right? You can’t be a brother to nobody, right? That’s like naming someone “Consigliere” (which, honestly, would be cool, go ahead and steal it) or “Younger”, or something. 

But of course, I was wrong – this is Criss and Swier’s second child. Brother László is brother to two-year-old Bluesy Belle. Incidentally, I don’t often have praise for PEOPLE, but shout-out to the writer who made sure to highlight the comment “Did you name your kids after Blues Brothers in the most literal way”, because it is wonderful. My brain would never have thought that, and this is why we value diversity of thought in this world.

So, fine. Brother is someone’s brother – in the biological sense, as opposed to the fraternity of life, or whatever. If you’re keeping score, no, Criss was never in The Book Of Mormon, but he did go to Catholic schools, maybe it’s after a beloved teacher? 

But let’s say not, that it’s just about his status as a brother to Bluesy Belle. (Forgive another sidebar, but these names are so rich – she’s two, so how many of her friends think her name is actually Bluey? Because I’m guessing it’s close to 100%.) There actually is precedent here. There’s a common tradition in the Southern U.S. to refer to girls as “Sissy” and boys as “Bubba”, a kind of baby talk for sister and brother, I guess – and I mean, not my particular tradition, but my mom and her sisters called us “Pet” growing up, so who am I to say? But even then, Criss is not in any way Southern (he’s half Filipino and half of European descent), and though that data isn’t available for his wife, the kids who are called Bubba usually have more formal names on the birth certificate. 

Criss assured us that yes, Brother is his first name. Maybe that’s as simple as it gets. Or maybe he’ll be one of the people I call “Stealth First Names”, where you can go for years – nay, decades – not knowing someone’s first name because they use their middle for everything. (Hint – one of them writes here every day!) Maybe he’ll actually be called László. 

Which - if that’s the case, I am not just on board, but a card-carrying stan. Our 82-lb toddler poodle mix is called Laszlo, which we spell without the accents, and he is named this because when my husband was rhyming off a bunch of potential puppy names, like “Leon? Benignus? Laszlo? Ferris? Steve?”, my kid and I both screamed “Laszlo! It’s perfect!” Which, with full bias, I can say it is. In practice, when people learn his name, they either thing we’re Hungarian (nope) or big fans of What We Do In The Shadows (sure). Not sure if either of these is true of Criss & Swier, but I know they’ll be asked the same question.

Here’s what I think they haven’t considered. If Brother is called Brother, day-to-day, there is going to come a day, somewhere in his toddlerhood, where he demands to know why his sister, Bluesy, isn’t called “Sister”. He may say he’s not a brother, or not Brother, or get confused about why other kids are brothers and aren’t called Brother, and – I’m not saying any of this means it’s a bad name, per se, I am saying that the actual lived experience of Brother being Brother is, almost definitely, going to be more complicated and nuanced than the charming fantasy his parents imagined when they named him. Is it just me? 

Tell us what you think over at The Squawk. (app link here)