It’s been an epically sh-tty week for Prince Andrew. His interview on BBC Newsnight was a bust. Then he was alleged to have said the n-word during a business meeting. Yesterday former Labour minister Jacqui Smith alleged that he “made racist comments about Arabs" at a state dinner for the Saudi royal family. The beloved second son of the Queen is being accused of being a rapist and a racist. Is he the first ever alleged noble rapist-racist in the history of the British royals? Please. I think there’s probably a whole line of rapist-racists in their ancestral history. Being a rapist and a racist was acceptable back in the day – and among some in their circles is probably still OK. Prince Andrew’s problem, as it’s been his whole life, in more ways than one, is that he was born too late. Born at a time when he wasn’t first in the line of succession and at a time when misogyny and white supremacy are being challenged. How terrible for him. 

Of course Andrew and Buckingham Palace have repeatedly denied that he knew anything about his friend, the dead rapist pedophile Jeffrey Epstein, and his sex trafficking parties. They’ve also denied that Prince Andrew is a racist. Not really sure there are all that many people who are buying that though. At least not anymore. Years ago, when this first happened, too many people were willing to just brush it away. Now it’s unavoidable – and indisputably the biggest scandal the British royal family has faced in years. 

Prince Andrew is losing sponsors for his [email protected] initiative. People are also dropping receipts on his ass all over the place – there are sweat receipts related to his Inactive Sweat Glands condition, there are clothing receipts related to his claim that he didn’t dress casually when in London, and now there are timeline receipts, because according to a letter published in 2011, Prince Andrew met Jeffrey Epstein, the dead rapist pedophile, in the early 90s, and not in 1999 as he claims. 

So now what? What’s the play? The Queen, of course, is said to be standing by her second son. Royal commentators are insisting that Prince Charles is too, which is a little harder to believe. That said, it is their way, closing ranks and protecting their own (unless it’s a biracial American woman). Do they temporarily bench Andrew for a few months and hope this goes away? Do they permanently retire him from public duty because he’s too much of a liability and embarrassment? Some might worry that that might not be the answer either, because you know what they say about an idle mind. If Prince Andrew managed to get up in all that f-cksh-t when he was working and actually had responsibilities, what kind of mess can he find when he has all the time in the world? 

And besides, it’s not like he’s the kind of dude who would slink away quietly. There’s already word that he wants to set up yet ANOTHER interview. According to Vanity Fair:

“There are rumors swirling that Andrew wants to do another interview,” said a source. “Andrew hasn’t drawn a line under it. He wants the chance to put right the things he didn’t say. Newsnight gave him the chance to show some remorse. He was asked if there was anything else he wanted to say. It was an open goal—he didn’t grasp it, and I think he sees that now.”

You think? 

It was already a terrible decision to do the Newsnight interview – he was advised of it and went ahead anyway and look what happened. If he does another one, it’s not only next level desperado, and we know it’s super desperate already, it’s a risk on top of a catastrophe because…what? Is he going to talk about his saliva this time? Are we going to add his spit to his list of bodily excuses that now include fat fingers and sweat glands? 

Any follow-up interview would have to be the softest ball of softball interviews because that’s all this fool can manage – and then the story becomes about how the journalism was lacking in the softball interview which doesn’t help his cause. But, you know, Team York has shown themselves to be so incompetent, I wouldn’t be surprised if it actually did go down that way. Or… you know… they could just say f-ck it to everything and do a sit-down with Matt Lauer. After what we’ve seen, I wouldn’t put it past them.