Dear Gossips,

Saw Aquaman yesterday and it is indeed as delightfully stupid as Sarah says it is in her review which, reading it back now, is even funnier. Here is a batsh-t movie that is telling you to get over it and just have a good time. I did – and you know what I’m now obsessed with? The Aquaman Underwater Pretty filter. It doesn’t exist yet, not officially, but it needs to. 

The Underwater Pretty filter is how all the characters in the movie look when they’re underwater, which is amazing, even when they’re talking since, you know, they have that gift of being able to talk underwater without swallowing any water. It’s a combination of lighting – mostly lighting – and some sort of creamy, soft lens, not unlike the lens Oprah used to use for her talk show (remember how everyone had such amazing skin on her show?), only better, since it’s been a few years and movies have bigger budgets than talk shows, even Oprah’s talk shows. 

The result is that everybody looks like how you’d imagine angels to look. Nicole Kidman literally looks like a teenager angel. Patrick Wilson should never be in a movie without the Underwater Pretty lens again. Here’s a question I don’t think we’ve spent enough time answering: Is Patrick Wilson hot? Can we do this in the new year? And by the time the new year comes around, or maybe even before, can someone launch the Aquaman Underwater Pretty filter? As if Instagram isn’t fake pretty enough for Christmas. 

Please note we are dark tomorrow for Christmas and Wednesday for Boxing Day and posting lightly on Thursday and Friday. Wishing you and yours a peaceful, safe, and joyful Christmas. Happy Christmas! Happy Holidays! Happy Everything!

Yours in gossip,