A few years ago, Cher told Andy Cohen on WWHL that Tom Cruise is on her Top 5 Lovers list. This summer James Corden brought it up again. And in a new interview with the Daily Mail she’s asked about their relationship. They met at Madonna and Sean Penn’s wedding (!!!) and then saw each other again at a White House event for dyslexia awareness. They didn’t make out that night, she says, but she did tell Oprah back in 2008 that it was a “long date” and that she spent a lot of time in his apartment. Cher is still fond of Tom but also explains that she doesn’t “get what he does, that whole Scientology thing”. 

This gives me an excuse to talk about something I’ve thought about a lot over the years. I believe – and am willing to debate this, that’s how much I believe it – that Tom Cruise is one of the greatest movie kissers of all time. Because Tom Cruise is the ultimate performer. 

No one can run like he does in movies. Or jump out of a plane. Or fly a plane. Or dangle from a building. Or climb a mountain. He’s not a great kisser because of the pure romance of it. He’s a great kisser because he applies himself to kissing the way he applies himself to running. The kissing is performative. That’s why it looks so f-cking good. Because he applies himself to the performance of it. He’s exactly sure of how much to open his mouth. And he’s exactly sure of how slack his mouth should be when it’s open, on the approach. Not too slack that he looks like he could start drooling but with just the right amount of relaxation in the lips that mimics the drowsy, almost drugged vibe of a sex face – intoxicated by sex face. I would very much like to be kissed by Tom Cruise for a scene in a movie. It would be a really, really well performed kiss. He’d be so good at performing that kiss that he’d make me a great performative kisser. 

In other Tom news, here are some shots of him flight training for Top Gun 2. In the first photo? When he’s in the cockpit? It’s like no time has passed. 


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