Jennifer Aniston: How to Stay Relevant

December 31, 2007 04:53:19 Posted at December 31, 2007 04:53:19
Lainey Posted by Lainey

The National Enquirer is reporting she’s pregnant. Her tireless publicist, Stephen Huvane, quickly shot it down. You will note – Us Weekly has openly called Huvane a liar on many, many, many occasions.

Indeed, he does seem to contradict himself with alarming regularity. But maybe that’s because his client can only stay relevant post Pitt split by spreading a rumour herself and then quickly debunking it. For a refresher, please revisit her relationship with Vince Vaughn.

It appears this time is no different. On the plus side, Jen appears to have stopped obsessing about her weight. Her body looks good. Her body looks normal. She is no longer rail thin – the antithesis, of course as always, of Angelina Jolie. It’s a rally cry for the MiniVan Majority, see?

And since it’s been a quiet year… since she’s has no movie to promote, since she seems stuck in a romantic comedy rut for the rest of her career, why not exploit her new curves? Why not whip the MiniVan into a lather about whether or not she’s expecting? And then of course immediately deny it just to further speculation? Conveniently just as she’s on holiday in Los Cabos with the Arquettes? With bikini photos to put the rumour mill into overdrive?

It’s brilliant, non? We all know how much the MiniVan Majority loves Baby Fever.

Flynetonline.com has photos of Jennifer by the pool – as you can see, the stomach is not concave. Click here for more. Call me Cruise but to me that just looks like a woman who hasn’t been hitting the gym every day for 2 hours. Compared to what she was, of course she looks a little flabbier. On the whole though, it’s a nice body. A very nice body. We should all be so fortunate to have such a nice body. And that ass…

Is that ass being admired by a new beau? Babies and engagements, Huvane appears to be laying it on thick. OK! Magazine is reporting that a mystery man accompanied Jennifer on vacay and is staying with her in her rented villa. Identity has yet to be confirmed.

But on an unrelated note… John Stamos was also said to be heading to Los Cabos for the holidays. Coincidence or conspiracy? My dream couple! Jennifer and John! Could it finally happen? Finally? At this point, not a likelihood. But Xenu can work miracles.

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