JB: An outlaw in 3 territories

January 30, 2014 15:52:20 Posted at January 30, 2014 15:52:20
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
George Pimentel/ Getty

Justin Bieber is being investigated in Los Angeles for egging his neighbour’s home. He was arrested in Miami last week for DUI and some other sh-t. He turned himself in to Toronto Police last night and was charged with assault from an incident that happened at the end of December when a limo driver was allegedly attacked by 6 members of his crew.

You think that this matters to his swagger? Like, is he walking around with his dick in his hand now, hyping up the fact that he’s an outlaw in 3 territories? I once lipped off a teacher when I was in grade 9 and was sent to the principal’s office (-pal not –ple…because s/he’s always your “PAL”, ha!). I smirked every time one of my classmates walked by. I was cool. I was a badass. And that feeling lasted about 5 minutes until I found out I was assigned detention before school for two weeks straight, missing out on a lot of fun. For a 19 year old who has everything and is everything to a lot of people, is that the same feeling? Look at me. I’ve been ARRESTED. I’m so hardcore. The difference is that his own perceived hardcoreness lasts a lot longer. What’s his equivalent of detention anyway? Eventual irrelevance, I suppose. That’s what Lindsay Lohan is living with.

It’s premature to say that Justin Bieber will end up like Lindsay Lohan. And there are some people who actually think that all of this “outlawing” is part of a bigger plan to turn him into a “man”. Because so many of us still see him as a baby.

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JB’s manliness is on full display in his new video for Confident. There are 8 hairs above his upper lip. His voice is deeper. He kisses her at the end. I’m half into it and half squicked at the same time. The fans outside the cop shop last night seemed to be super hormonal over it. So maybe the Outlaw Justin Bieber really is the kind of man they’re looking for.

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