The celebrity dick-off

August 8, 2016 19:21:55 Posted at August 8, 2016 19:21:55
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Nine months after the world met Justin Bieber’s dick, we were introduced to Orlando Bloom’s last week. Thank you paparazzi. Let’s come back to the paps in a minute. For now, it’s the celebrity dick-off. And since Orly and JB have history, JB decided to respond with some updated cock shots of his own while on holiday in Hawaii. Coincidence or conspiracy? I’m sure I don’t have to tell you where to find them. You’ve probably already seen them.

Orly hasn’t been this popular since before Elizabethtown, thanks to his dick boost. JB’s dick also brought him a lot of street cred when he was swinging it around in Bora Bora last year. His father was proud of him then, and he’s still proud of him now.



A photo posted by Jeremy Bieber (@jeremybieber) on




A photo posted by Jeremy Bieber (@jeremybieber) on

And, of course, nobody but nobody is bothering to pretend to be upset about the paps and how they “invaded” Orly and JB’s privacy. Because, again, only women’s bodies are weaponised against them. We are told how what we can and can’t do to our own bodies. And we are told when and why we should be ashamed of them. If this had happened to a female celebrity, will we ever get to a point where that power can be neutralised? That female nudity will no longer be hurtful to the woman who is nude?

Imagine two women on a talk show discussing the pussies that have been paparazzied and comparing the scale and proportion of the pussies the way Seth Rogen did with Andy Cohen on Watch What Happens Live:

“You know what? Charlize Theron is a tall woman. But her pussy is totally proportionate to her height. Like proportionately her pussy still looks to scale.”

What they’re not showing us here is the conversation that happens off-camera. Which might be similar to Jacek’s reaction when he saw Orly’s dick: “Yeah, that’s a good size cock but it also looks like he gave it a twirl before those pictures were taken”. Jacek’s other point to support that Orly certainly didn’t mind that he was being photographed is that he clearly didn’t mind that he was being photographed. Any dude swinging his sh-t around in front of friends and others knows that A. there will be no negative consequence because he’s not a woman and B. there will be positive consequence because of his size.

So, here’s Orly, with Katy, enjoying the status afforded him by his impressive dick, pumping it up even further by groping her tits in the water, a hero to men everywhere. Click here to see more shots of Orlando fondling Katy and taking off his shorts again on holiday.

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