Sasha Answers: Botox behind his back
Sasha, I have a bit of a problem. It’s not world-ending, by any means, but I’m not sure what to do. I’m 37 years old and married to a smart, talented, successful guy who’s also my best bud. Lucky, right? Here’s the thing and I’ll just lay it out there. I’m not a bad looking girl. I keep fit and healthy and have been lucky to remain the same size that I was when I was 27. But, obviously, my face looks older than it did. I don’t smoke and it’s not like I have leather skin – but I look 37. I just do. And I’m finding it a bit hard to deal with. So, I started looking into Botox or maybe some fillers just to get rid of some smile lines or those little furrows that now exist between my eyes. But when I mentioned this to my husband, he was mortified. And quite upset. And, for the first time in our relationship, he kind of put his foot down. He apparently doesn’t want me to have even low level “plastic surgery” – not Botox, not anything. He tells me I’m beautiful and blah blah blah and when I have brought it up since, he’s become more adamant. I know he won’t budge on this (disclosure – he’s a doctor and filled me in on all kinds of possible (but really unlikely!) side effects). But every time I look in the mirror, I look at the face of a 37 year old and think of how easy it would be just to soften some lines, look a bit younger. For the same reason we highlight our hair and work out at the gym – wouldn’t it make me feel better about my appearance? I think it would, Sasha. So, here is my dilemma. Do I do it behind my husband’s back (the thought of this makes me feel guilty and sad) or do I keep staring at my lines in the mirror? A
I’ll be honest A, I’m a bit torn on this one. On the one hand, I don’t like men ever telling women what they can or cannot do; that irks me big time. So for that reason I want to tell you to do what makes you happy. If a squirt here and there makes you feel better about yourself in the morning, then go wild. Well, not Lara Flynn Boyle wild, but you know…
On the other hand though, I’m really sad to hear that you think a 37 year old looking back at you in the mirror is a bad thing. What’s wrong with being 37? I mean, that IS how old you are. Am I alone in thinking that a few laugh lines and brow furrows are well worth the experience and wisdom that has gotten you to this point? Stripes of honor if you will? Why try to erase all of that?
I’m not just saying this to make you feel better. When I look at women like Diane Lane, Cate Blanchett, or Julianne Moore, that is how I want to age. They are fine as hell and what makes them even hotter is that they’ve embraced age, they’ve embraced their beauty, they’ve embraced themselves.
Look, I’m not going to pretend that getting older isn’t a mental transition. I’m not too far off from 37 and yes, I can totally tell a difference in my mug. It’s not as taut, not as fresh, I’ve got bags under my eyes, the folds around my nose have deepened….I get it, I’m getting older. That’s just the way the cookie crumbles. I’d rather look like that then some mangled ass Lindsay Lohan. And this is where I think your husband’s concerns come in. He may be worried that once you start down this road, you’ll get lost. Let’s get real, it happens all the time. Don’t forget plastic surgeons and medical spas are there to make money – they need your self-doubt, your insecurities to buy them that tricked out Mercedes. They become your mirror and that’s when you see a lot of women’s confidence get shattered.
So here’s my advice: stop with the botox for right now. In the meantime, try to embrace that face of yours. Listen, I’m not saying you can never ever do it again, but for right now, it just seems a bit premature.