Tom Cruise Gossip

Tom Cruise gossip, latest news, photos, and video.

GMD Thanksgiving

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 22, 2007 00:00:00 November 22, 2007 00:00:00

Gallery of the Absurd has done it again. Here’s her interpretation of how Xenu gives thanks. Looking at the little Gay Midget Dwarf in his little pilgrim suit nearly killed me. You will lose your sh*t.  Full Story

Another Disciple

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 20, 2007 00:00:00 November 20, 2007 00:00:00

See? Friendship with the GMD never comes without a cost. And now what we’ve feared is actually happening. Will Smith… Will Smith loves Xenu. Will Smith loves Xenu so much he’s talking about him and defending him. While he promotes his new movie I Am Legend, Will Smith is at the same time promoting the Church. Full Story

Germany Hates Xenu

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 20, 2007 07:04:22 November 20, 2007 07:04:22

America is afraid of Xenu but Europe, and Germany in particular, doesn’t give a sh*t. You will recall the Germans were not pleased about the GMD’s Valkyrie shoot in Berlin last summer and now, despite warnings from Team Cruise Legal Full Story

Xenu Hates Bloat

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 19, 2007 00:00:00 November 19, 2007 00:00:00

The GMD is currently working on a cameo for Ben Stiller’s new movie Tropic Thunder. Ben of course is balls deep in bed with Tom Cruise, also committing to United Artists and the GMD to star in the Hardy Men Movie with shooting scheduled to begin next year. Obviously willing to return the favour, Tom donned a fat suit and a bald wig in character for Tropic Thunder and was caught by the paps. Full Story

Hetero Hair

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 15, 2007 09:01:13 November 15, 2007 09:01:13

This is how you wear it when A. it’s thinning and B. people think you’re gay. Check out John Travolta last night at a special screening of Hairspray. You will note the portly Pilot’s mane is thicker than ever. Amazing the self delusional abilities of the MiniVan Majority. Can you believe there are still people out there who believe he prefers P over C? Quick observation – his skin tone. Full Story

Granny Freeze Hates Xenu?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 15, 2007 08:08:09 November 15, 2007 08:08:09

Oh Xenu will be angry. Nicole Kidman on the cover of the new Marie Claire…it looks nothing like her. Sigh. She really needs to stop. This of course is the interview during which she denies having had any plastic surgery. And has to bring up the issue – yet again – of her miscarriage and/or ectopic pregnancy as if to remind us that she is indeed a fertile human being and not a hermaphrodite, as rumoured. Full Story

Top Gun 2007: Mav > Ice

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 14, 2007 00:00:00 November 14, 2007 00:00:00

By the grace of Xenu, the GMD is clearly still winning the battle after 20 years. Val Kilmer showed up last week at the premiere of Cirque du Soleil’s Wintuk in NYC and again last night at the I’m Not There screening. As you can see…not sweet. Especially the old man runners. In fact, in comparison, Tom Cruise in the right light, with the right angles, just like my Rumey Willis, is almost still Maverick. Full Story

Monday, November 12, 2007

Dear Gossips,

Not even a beautiful marathon bride and the impossibly adorable Little Sci could save Lions for Lambs at the box office this weekend. Because the MiniVan Majority couldn’t bring itself to support an anti-war message. As such, the GMD’s new movie performed miserably– at home and overseas – earning less than $7 million, though many were quick to point out that even that was more than Reese and Jakey’s Rendition last month.

But while Team Cruise warned early on, even before the Lambs release, that his intent with the new studio was never box office domination, Tom’s hardcore pimp of the film clearly belied the objective: he thought he could own it. And he failed. Even worse…he now has to answer to Xenu who is still expecting his 30%.

Brad, Angelina, Harry, Kate’s multiple lovers, multiple FNL quiveration, and a riddle!

It’s Monday – am blogging all day, check back often!

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

PS. Am in Toronto for Virgin Unite’s Midnight Magic midnightmagic.ca/, raising funds to “purchase medicines, mosquito netting, and produce preventative information materials to be delivered through Virgin’s Heaven’s Angels project to remote rural areas of Sub-Saharan Africa.” Elvis Costello is performing, Dita von Teese is apparently debuting her new routine, and that magic freak dude who dated Cameron Diaz and claims to have not slept with Britney Spears will hopefully be levitating. Here he is at an event last week obviously NOT blessed with the Good Pants Gift.

 

In Hiding

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 12, 2007 10:14:54 November 12, 2007 10:14:54

Don’t f&ck with Xenu. The book is due in January, not for another 2 months, but Andrew Morton, after going underground to write it, apparently has to stay underground even after its release. ESPECIALLY after its release. Which is great news. Because what’s in the book is SO explosive, Xenu’s disciples are angry. Full Story

The Unpopular GMD

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 9, 2007 00:00:00 November 9, 2007 00:00:00

There is a reason why the GMD and his Robobride have been hustling so hard on the MiniVan Majority. Because aside from a few famous friends who have ulterior motives themselves, Tom Cruise doesn’t appear to have many fans in Hollywood. And especially not heavyweights Robert Redford and Meryl Streep. Full Story

The Fertile Granny Freeze

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 9, 2007 07:15:56 November 9, 2007 07:15:56

Sweet Xenu, the woman won’t stop. One day after one-upping every other woman on the red carpet at the CMAs, Nicole Kidman showed up in NYC last night to attend a screening for Margot at the Wedding, said to be a lovely little movie in which her forehead actually shows some movement. Shocking. Meanwhile, in support of Margot and the upcoming The Golden Compass, Nicole is now on promo circuit – her latest is an interview with Marie Claire in which she AGAIN discusses losing a pregnancy Full Story