Mimi, voluptuary

December 9, 2016 21:13:30 Posted at December 9, 2016 21:13:30
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
James Devaney/ Getty Images

I read the best article about Mimi in the New York Post this morning. Best as in hilarious. Hilarious as in… bitchy and stanny at the same time. Even the title cracked me up:

How Mariah Carey turned Christmas into a second career 

Like if you asked her, oh hey, what is your job? It’s a one word answer: Christmas. Mimi’s job is Christmas.

Christmas season is upon us. It’s when the elusive butterfly is at her busiest, like the most industrious of elves, only with a lot more cleavage and a redefined version of “labour”. Mimi spoke to the NY Post on Wednesday, when she went to the Empire State Building to flip the lights, dressed in an outfit that… well… it’s kind of elfish, non? With the buttons down the front, thrust apart by her tits? And the belt? Sort of maybe pretend?

Anyway, the piece is a rundown about Mimi’s Christmas plans. Bryan Tanaka makes a few cameos. And every time he shows up, he’s either holding her hand escorting her down the stairs or holding her hand escorting her out of the building. He is very good at this job. I appreciate this detail. Mostly though I appreciate this sentence, to me the highlight of the article:

Carey’s glittering string of Christmas concerts in NYC — now in its third year and running through Dec. 17 — recall her 1990s glory, but the 46-year-old voluptuary is also looking forward by busily extending her brand beyond the stage.

Voluptuary! VOLUPTUARY!

What a word! The skill in selecting this word! It’s brilliant. I f-cking wish I had thought of it. From this point on, this word should only be used in reference to Mimi. Mimi, the ultimate voluptuary.

VOLUPTUARY!

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