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For the UK premiere of The Rum Diary last night with Johnny Depp. I hate it. I hate it because she’s not Pamela Anderson. And this is a dress Pamela Anderson would pick for herself, slashed with a titty V in the front. In other words, not particularly elegant. I mean, you can be sexy and elegant at the same time. But the shade of this nude, it crosses over to trashy instead.

Also, for those of you who’ve been wondering about whether or not Amber and Johnny are happening – you are tingling in the wrong direction there. She has a very serious girlfriend. And she’s only into girlfriends. I saw them together at a party last year. They’re like the Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady of lesbians. CRAZY good-looking.

Amber Heard attends the UK premiere of The Rum Diary, both solo and with Johnny Depp.

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