Also called Anna Wintour’s annual prom. Some say it’s the Oscars of fashion. That title seems appropriate this year given the theme: White Tie with decorations. It was a celebration of couturier Charles James. So whatever a celebrity (and not a regular person because, remember, this is not about having no access but having all the access) would choose to wear to the Oscars would probably be a safe choice. Safe however often lacks imagination. Some took it too literally and failed. And besides, there are only so many ball gowns to go around. Also, did you really want to see everyone floating up the stairs in white gloves? Not everyone.

It makes it much more fun to observe the interpretation of the theme. There were those then who decided it wouldn’t be the Oscars they were dressing for but rather a party at Jay Gatsby’s. A few thought it was still last year and showed up for the PUNK & CHAOS instead. And then are those who are just so f-cking annoying they suck based on that criteria only. Please know right off the top that models will not be heavily featured. I. Don’t. Care. And, really, how hard can it be for them? Also, Jessica Alba will not make an appearance here. There’s really only so much you can do in a day, you know?

So those are my judging guidelines. Because, again, there are only so many ball gowns to go around. And I can’t look at any more taffeta and sateen, I really, really can’t. I also don’t understand why Anna Wintour insists on putting her daughter Bee Shaffer in it. Anna was in Chanel. Bee wore Alexander McQueen, the most debutante dress I’ve ever seen. You’re always going to lose me on this colour. Always. And you’ll never win me when there’s tulle poking out from under that material like a swan getting f-cked out of the trunk of a car. 

What is it with the way Anna presents Bee at this event, year after year? The girl ALWAYS has to be helped up the stairs. She ALWAYS wears something a mom dreams for prom. It’s like Anna can’t supress her inner MiniVan Majority.

Now are you ready to shout at each other over the rest of them?