Um, no. It’s not Jennifer Lawrence.

Christine Ouzounian, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner’s former nanny, has a private Instagram account. And Entertainment Tonight was able to get a screenshot of her first post since the Ben Affleck scandal broke. Christine uses a paparazzi photo of herself and captions it as follows:

“She’s just a girl and she’s on fire” – Alicia Keys

What did I tell you about how this situation would blow up in his face? She’s 28 years old. She’s of the social media generation, living in Los Angeles. This is how they communicate. This is how they FEEL, 140 characters at a time, under several filters at a time.

So what does she mean? F-ck, I don’t know what she means. Maybe she means that there’s been all kinds of heat on her for the last two weeks but that she’ll get through it because she’s the true Katniss. Maybe she means that she loves living under the lights, where she always believed she belonged. Maybe she’s telling him that she’ll torch his house and his car if he doesn’t come over tonight.

Whatever, this was never about her. This has always been about Ben Affleck f-cking himself into positions that cost him too much – financially, personally, and professionally. Like, he can wave his ring around all he wants to protect his children (because his children go on the internet and look at pictures of him on the red carpet?!?) but no ring is going to protect them from seeing their former nanny deliver a bottle of Veuve Cliquot to his place, with a smile on her face, to celebrate what? Their father’s divorce from their mother? Or how about this shot of their former nanny on a private plane with their dad, wearing all of Tom Brady’s Super Bowl rings?

Wedding ring? Ben Affleck, you stupid f-ck, you basically shat all over your wedding ring.

According to Page Six, this photo of Christine was taken after she joined Ben and Jennifer Garner on that trip to the Bahamas, right before they announced that their marriage was over. Apparently Ben asked Christine to come back to LA with him, with a quick stop in Vegas first. At some point, they picked up Tom Brady and they all flew to Vegas together.

You know that Jen and Gisele are close, right? And now her husband’s on a private jet, letting Ben Affleck’s sidepiece wear his championship hardware? Click here to see the shot.

This is what Ben Affleck does. He smears sh-t all over everyone he comes into contact with. Now Tom Brady is f-cked too.

And now, I feel like all this is coming together. Because Jen, supposedly, didn’t know initially that Christine and Ben were hooking up. She only found out after this trip, which is when she fired Christine.


Was it Gisele?

Do you think it could have been G?

Tom gets on that plane and he’s like, dude, what the f-ck man, who is this? My wife is going to kill me if she finds out that you and I were alone, together, with your hot mistress.

He goes home, confesses to Gisele…

Gisele gets on her phone. Calls Jen. The network of the Sisterhood in full effect.

Just when you think he’d reached his maximum moron level, Ben Affleck keeps proving to us that he can keep doing better. And this isn’t done. I’ll have another post about it later.