As mentioned previously, I have an Eminem problem. Most of the time it’s under control. Unlike my friends, who continue to bombard my inbox with their crushes on mothering-hipped, delicate-handed boy children, I rein in my ridiculous Shady crushing with discipline, more really for self preservation than anything else. If I let it go wild, it will become worse.

But it’s so hard when he talks like this, when he’s practically inviting me to keep writing that screenplay in my head about how we meet and how it gets hooked up, and how many outfit changes it takes until we hold hands. The clothing is often the most important detail in these scenarios. I spend more time on it than anything else. What does this say? You know. I wrote about it in the Essence of the Summer Crush.

Eminem covers the new issue of Rolling Stone. The full interview is not yet available but the magazine shrewdly excerpted the part about his relationship status and posted it online, specifically asking him about dating. Eminem does not usually go there. And he was supposed to have had a girlfriend for a couple of years now, keeps/kept it super undercover. Doesn’t sound like it anymore.

Do you think it’s hard for you to trust women?
I have trust issues. With women, friends, whatever. You always wonder what their real motives are. I’ve got a small circle of friends, and it’s a lot of the same friends I’ve known forever. Right now, that works for me. I came out of some difficult things these past couple of years. I kind of feel like I’m just now finding my footing. So I want to make sure that’s secure before I go out and do anything else. I need to keep working on myself for a while.

What about your love life? Do you date?
Not really. As far as going out, like dinner and a movie—I just can’t. Going out in public is just too crazy. I mean, I’d like to be in a relationship again someday. Who doesn’t? It’s just hard to meet new people, in my position.

Here’s the thing though: I’d love to be able to say to him – we don’t have to go out...

But then ...where would we go?

I’m not first dating it with anyone, I don’t care who it is, at his house, with his bodyguards, where no one would hear me if I screamed. Also I don’t want to see a man’s bathroom so early in the game. He would probably have a guest bathroom, or several, but then I’d wonder what other guests had shared that bathroom and, frankly, I’d also assume that the guest bathrooms were used by his security. Security men are large and stick to bad diets. People who don’t eat well usually don’t poo well. You see how quickly I can go from first date to a bodyguard’s bowel movements? The same applies to his hotel room. First dates need to be public, if for no other reason than for safety. How does this work for someone like him?

F-ck. My script doesn’t work anymore. I have to completely scrap an entire section now and restructure the progression. The first conversation and can stay, but then where does it move to? Knowing more isn’t necessarily better. This would be a good example.

Click here for more on Eminem in Rolling Stone