Game Of Thrones Season 3 episode 3 recap

The chairs. Of course the chairs. And everything else that happened in only an hour.   But before we get there, let’s take a minute for the arrows – those arrows that couldn’t find their target if they’d been directed by the Gods. You wanted to laugh, didn’t you? Of course you did.  

And didn’t it make it better when you found out they were shot by Catelyn’s brother? As if you didn’t already know that her family was going to be lame somehow (I can hear Lainey screaming “Obviously”). You know this is going to haunt him to his grave. I giggled. I couldn’t help it. Fine, so her uncle the Blackfish might be awesome, but that loser brother (this is Edmure) is a loser evermore.

And maybe this is what caused the beginning of Robb Stark’s backbone to appear?  It’s the first we’ve heard of a plan that makes sense (and if I were being a dick, I’d say every plan makes sense in retrospect), and it was the first inkling that Robb Stark might have something going on. Not that I expect him to actually pull anything off, of course. That would be too much. But, you know, onward.

It does make you think again about Arya, doesn’t it? She’s just so blindly tough.  Catelyn is worried that her boys are lonely for her (no word for her girls) but Arya is, let’s be honest, kind of having a blast. She secures her freedom, sasses at The Hound, and even has time to have a range of emotions over Hot Pie -  a little condescension that he’s not moving forward with them,  and a little empathy when she tastes the wolf-shaped treat he gave her. She’s still fearless, still a bit childish. I kind of feel like it’s because of this, it’s because her confidence hasn’t yet been eradicated, that she’s going to be able to face the true horrors when they come.   

Speaking of children, or lack thereof, I noticed that Gendry looked much less childish than he had in the past, but when I checked to see if the internet felt the same way,  I came upon a series of links so horrifying that I urge you to proceed with caution. If that’s your thing.

Speaking of which – how about Podrick? Not just mild-mannered, but apparently extremely talented and modest? What I love is that Bronn pulled up a chair too. I love a man who’s not too big to learn.

And then there’s Daenerys, and I’m not really up on my Old Testament, but tell me when she climbed up with water to that figure on the cross that there wasn’t some sort of Jesus imagery going on there? There was, right? So now she has 8,000 and change, two dragons, one handmaiden translator type, a number of (still ill) Dothraki, and two bitchy advisors who are determined to out-helpful one another. I love the self-possession of this girl and I love the fact that she apparently completely lacks the intimidation gene, but she has now spent close to three seasons planning.   I would like for her to get ON with it already. Like, don’t you want to see HER stare down Tywin Lannister?

And there it is, by the way – the single best pat of the episode was Tywin’s game of musical chairs. Do you think he knew what would happen when they all came in?   Do you think he cares one whit about Cersei, beyond “letting” her sit at his right hand? Because I say no. I kind of love him for the mind games, and I wonder whether, if anyone else had argued against Baelish marrying Lysa Arryn, he would have snapped and given them an unfavourable post as well? (Also, welcome back, Varys and Pycelle!)

As it is, it’s Tyrion, who must infuriate Tywin every day not only by being a dwarf and a whore-lover and politically impotent, but also by being kind of brilliant?  Wouldn’t it be easier if he were just an all-around writeoff? Talented or otherwise skilled are harder pills to swallow, aren’t they. On the one hand, you’d think knowing the “worst’’secrets about his children – the truth about Joffrey’s parentage, for example – would horrify him still further, to the point where he couldn’t function. On the other hand, you think he’s smart enough that he kind of knows. 

But then, his children have bigger things to worry about. Just as Jamie shows his own humanity by begging for Brienne’s “unbesmirched”  freedom, which – who knew? – he is rewarded for his trouble with his hand cleavered right off. I went back and forth looking for the right word because “cut” and “chopped” seemed too clean and simple for what happened to him. Even on this show, it seemed brutal – maybe because of its simplicity and lack of mind games? I don’t know.  

Whereas Theon, on the other hand, heard the threat “I’m going to f*ck you into the ground” and lived to tell the tale. You wouldn’t think that would be the way it would go, would you? Incidentally, the boy keeps talking about “your sister”, “your sister”.   He’s never once said “Yara”. Who do we think it really is?