I mean look, I guess they can name their kids whatever they want. I’ve seen them do it. And after you’ve had sons named Kingston and Zuma, you can’t easily call the next one Kevin. So I get it and, in fact, I like Apollo better than Kingston or Zuma. It seems like the kind of name that would be a hero in a tween sitcom. The Adventures of Apollo Rossdale. It sounds kind of good, to be honest.

But the third brother winds up as part of a matched set. Gavin and Gwen have made a point of saying that Kingston and Zuma are named for locations they love, so is Apollo (which I have typed five times in this article, and misspelled five times before correcting myself) named for the theatre? Maybe? He’s Apollo Bowie Flynn, which sounds even more like they’re trying to “be” something until you read that the two middles are each of their mothers’ maiden names. So I’d love to condemn it as being the worst of the pretentious celeb names, but…I can’t?

I mean, we get it. Gwen doesn’t do anything by half measures. She’s never once gone out without being all the way decked out plus some. So we know what we’re dealing with. And while I might have preferred something a little more understated, Greekwise, some people might think Xerxes was equally ridiculous.   

But as I remind people who complain about kids with hard names being made fun of -- my question is: who exactly is going to make fun of Apollo? Payden? Sascha? Or Milo? It’s a brand new world of equilibrium.