So have you watched it yet? I wasn’t kidding. You thought Gwyneth Paltrow was annoying. And then you put her in a room with Jessica Seinfeld and turn the camera on and…

I’m obsessed with this. Sometimes you can’t believe people can be so far up their own asses, you can’t pull your eyes away. This actually happens in real life a lot more often than you think. Have you ever eavesdropped on a conversation at dinner/lunch/the subway/drugstore/airport?

Please just… do this on your lunch hour. It’s true smutty goodness. I’ll leave it for you to enjoy below. Maybe we need to start memorising some of Jessica’s lines and intonations. I’m telling you, this sh-t is an instant classic. Just for fun, for a moment, picture Katie Holmes at that table. You see???

Anyway, we have a whole week’s worth of GOOP to catch up on, including more from the now legendary dinner party with all her privileged friends. Turns out The New Yorker was invited too. And they profiled it online, just like the NY Times. And of course it’s all in the details. Such delicious details. Details on top of details and how they gush for her. All these famous names, all of them straight vomiting praise on Paltrow.

Then, this curious passage:

“At 9 P.M., the guests went out to a pair of long tables on the terrace. Diaz, A-Rod, and Batali sat near Chris Martin, who had arrived looking cranky. (A publicist warned, “He doesn’t want to talk.”) Paltrow sat a few seats away, flanked by Jerry Seinfeld and Jay-Z.”

Hate her for being a pretentious bitch, sure. But do not put his bad attitude on her; you can blame her for a lot, but please not this. Please don’t go there. Please don’t be That Girl. Let’s all not be Those Girls. He is a DICK because he is a DICK. And there is no defence for it. The end.

Click here to read the full article. It’s good for gossip, and it’s just good gossip.

If you do want to hate on G for something though, and you can’t hate on her for the fact that Chris Martin is a sulky little bitch (because no matter how you cut it, that’s not her fault), here’s something to satisfy that urge.

One of my favourite, favourite songs of all time is Kate Bush’s This Woman’s Work. I think I’ve written about it on several occasions – click here for the last time, when John Hughes died. If you grew up in the 80s you know about the song. And the scene in the movie. I was 14, had no concept about how a man loves a woman but even then there was something about it that I would come back to and appreciate. Years later I daydreamed about Jacek in Kevin Bacon’s role when I had emergency surgery for a broken arm in Cannes while he could only wait by the phone for Laura to call him when it was over. (Never mind that he was probably playing video games.) And now it’s my dad who is watching my ma every day at the hospital, not able to do much more as she fights to get healthy again. We have to believe that she has “more than a little life in her yet”. But who can help going to those really dark, what if places? Now when I hear this song, the hardest is wondering about the what ifs on my father’s mind. No one does it like Kate Bush. No one.

Only now there could be a whole generation of the witless who will associate it with the GOOP? Gwyneth recorded the song for a benefit album called Every Mother Counts, available at Starbucks. Click here to hear a 30 second preview. Or… watch the original below. Start at 3:23 if you just want the song.

Attached – various previously unposted photos of Gwyneth last week promoting the cookbook. And why is it called something different (Notes From My Kitchen) in the UK??? Anyway, apparently she even hit up a mall in New Jersey. That must have been, like, really, really hard.

Oh and here’s the interview with Jessica Seinfeld.

Photos from