On July 1, US Weekly broke the news that Henry Cavill and Kaley Cuoco were dating. The next day, Cuoco conveniently got papped at the nail bar. The day after that, Cuoco and Cavill were shot together on a hike in the hills by a photographer who just, you know, woke up and decided it would be a good place to hang out for several hours that day in the hopes that Superman would just show up. And just 24 hours later, the two were at the grocery store, holding hands, shopping for the Fourth of July.

It took them three days. THREE DAYS to saturate the market with themselves. What happened next?

As IF. The internet As IFed them, hard.

10 days later, Cavill’s in Calgary for Stampede and his brother’s wedding – click here for a refresher if you missed yesterday’s post – and Cuoco stays back in LA and now E! News (first with the exclusive), PEOPLE, and US Weekly are all reporting that it’s over, even though PEOPLE originally claimed that they were in the early stages of a relationship.

First of all, congratulations Calgary. I expect a LOT from you this weekend. You get on that sh-t and you make it happen and you send me the pictures.


Does it get more Mickey Mouse?

How do you follow up such a great career high with a successful debut as arguably the most popular superhero of all time by being so Mickey Mouse? It’s amateur, it’s embarrassing, and it’s weak. Weak is the word. Is that ironic? Because, well, he’s supposed to be the Man Of Steel. And what he’s looked like over the last 10 days is far from steel. Ending the situation just makes it even worse.

Because people already suspected that he walked on Gina Carano in exchange for his big studio career and a set-up with the host of the People’s Choice Awards. Now that it’s been poorly received though, he up and bails… AGAIN?

At best it just confirms that he and Cuoco were faking it. At worst it suggests that he tapped out on a girl because he couldn’t handle the pressure. Either way you choose at the gossip buffet, Henry Cavill looks limp. These were some limp, limp moves. These were not the moves of a Movie Star. These were the moves of a Kellan Lutz.

You see what just happened there?

Henry Cavill just put himself in a sentence with Kellan Lutz.

Jesus Christ, Henry Cavill, get your sh-t together. And that doesn’t mean returning Ashley Greene’s phone calls. But if somehow you can convince Kristen Stewart you’re not a total loser, she might be able to help you out.