At 9:20am this morning, they’re sticking a laser into my eye so that I (hopefully) won’t have to wear contact lenses and glasses anymore. Pre-op starts an hour before that. And after the procedure, I have to keep my eyes closed (sleep is strongly recommended) and/or avoid reading or watching TV and light, at least until the follow-up appointment 24 hours later.
The blog won’t be happening today. There may be a chance that it won’t happen tomorrow, although many have come back quickly, in just a day, and have been able to resume their regular lives. I’m hoping I’m one of the bionic ones.
Am very sorry about the inconvenience to your gossip schedule and will try my best to voodoo and feng shui everything I can out of my cells for quick healing. I’ve been ginseng-loading on the Squawking Chicken’s soup all week.
Please note however that Sasha’s fashion posts will still be up on LifeStyle later today – check back later this morning/early afternoon.
But… if you’d like to do some gossip homework…
Here are a few suggestions:
Read the full Jennifer Lawrence profile in Vanity Fair. I’ve just finished it and… we have a LOT to talk about… after you come out the coma that was induced by the series of eyerolls you’ll experience while making your way through it. Let me give you a taste:
Though Chris Martin, at 37, is 13 years Jennifer's senior, it's not surprising that she may have fallen for him. For one thing, she loves music--she played the oboe in middle school. "I can't really remember how to play anymore," she confessed.
WHO DOESN’T LOVE MUSIC?
And if that’s the case, why isn’t Kanye West in love with Chris Martin?
Next – read Lena Dunham’s book, Not That Kind Of Girl, if you haven’t already. Because she can write. And because even if you don’t agree with her, and even if you find her exhausting, she’s talking about the sh-t we should be talking more about.
Then… read Anne Helen Petersen’s first book, Scandals Of Classic Hollywood. AHP is a gossip. She’s a real life PhD gossip and not some old crusty c-nt who free-barfs all over her blog (me, obvs). The old school gossip is just as dirty and depraved. And she breaks it all down like a business case study. Click here for more information.
If you’d rather watch and not read, I’ve attached a video below. Some of you may have already enjoyed it, and if you have, well, then you understand why I want you to enjoy it again. For those of you who haven’t, I’m putting you on edge for 45 minutes while you sit through a party for Gwyneth Paltrow. Come on. She picked up on a Mozart beat WHILE SHE WAS IN THE WOMB. Why am I justifying this for you?
Finally…if you’re like me and you temporarily can’t use your eyes, there’s a podcast that Duana breathlessly recommended to me that I’ve already become addicted to. It’s from the people who gave us This American Life. And I was supposed to start AFTER my surgery but I cheated and opened it last night instead and now I’m addicted and – yay! – there’s a new installment! Click here but BE WARNED. You will not be able to stop. This is how I imagine it was like when people gathered around the radio in the living room – before we tweeted and swiped and downloaded while watching Scandal and the hockey game at the same time. It’s addictively intimate and warmly nostalgic, like story time in elementary school. With my eyes closed, then, I’ll be picturing us listening together at our virtual gossip daycare.
Hope to be back tomorrow.
But if I’m not…
Have a great weekend! And HAPPY THANKSGIVING Canada!
Yours in gossip,
PS. Thank you so much - AGAIN - for donating to my #FearlessChallenge in support of the Canadian Cancer Society. Click here for a refresher on why my challenge was to visit a haunted house . Like I said the other day, it was an old, abandoned home over a 100 years old in the middle of nowhere-f*ck. The guy in the video with me is a spirit-chaser, one of those spirit chasers. By the end of it, I basically begged him to let me go home. And I did get to home, safely (I think).
But for those who are fighting cancer, they have to be fearless every day. The #FearlessChallenge is meant to honour them and to stand with them. Your donations to the #FearlessChallenge are a symbol of solidarity as they face this disease -- and beat it. Thank you for your generosity.
Click here to learn more about the #FearlessChallenge.
And click here to watch the video of me at the haunted house. I'm not embedding it on my blog. You understand.