At first glance, Jakey G pushing a stroller – major quiveration.

And then the pants kick in. The atrocious way he wears his pants, the terrible way they don’t hang off his bubble bum, and how they’re stretched too tightly across the front – quiveration killed.

But not enough, I suppose, to kick him off the Freebie Five. Because he’s in NYC, with his sister, and his beloved niece, and he’s able to do it without looking limp, and he loves dogs, and in my dream, he smelled like dog paws and fresh laundry and if memory serves, from Jarhead, he can work it up against a wall…which means if he could just fix the pants, Jake Gyllenhaal really would be perfect.


For all her fashion forwardness, you’d think Maggie could give him a few tips, non?