…and it’s Richard! Okay, no. Nor would you expect it to be. For review, and fodder for people to talk about ‘crazy Hollywood names’ for the next 10 years, the fact that the Olivers are in London notwithstanding, Jamie Oliver and wife Jools have four older children:

Poppy Honey Rosie
Daisy Boo Pamela
Petal Blossom Rainbow…and
Buddy Bear Maurice

It’s those third, slightly-fusty names that get me. Pamela! Maurice! These names are predictably wacky and all, and ‘Bear’, ‘Rainbow’, and ‘Poppy’ in particular hit the Twee Celebrity Name Index near the bullseye—but again, ‘Pamela’. They don’t play by the book.

As a result, the new baby’s name, River Rocket Blue, somehow inexplicably feels kind of pedestrian and done, as impossible as that seems. At least, it’s not going to make half as many “Oliver TWISTED NAMES” headlines (call me, Daily Mail). I feel like it lacks the unexpected factor. If the name was Rocket Blue Arnold, I would have been cackling in delighted disbelief, but River is the name of several celebrity kids already (at Nameberry, they dig in deep on River's celebrity heritage), and Blue…you don’t even need me to tell you. Right?

I’d maybe feel less disappointed if they hadn’t held back announcing the name. They’re under no obligation to entertain us, but the longer we waited, the more I thought they were going to call him Roald Dahl Mustard, or Chauncey Wee Tiger, or something. I was really hoping for something to talk about, and Rocket Robin Boris could have gotten me there.