What happens on May 15th?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at March 16, 2009 09:42:37 March 16, 2009 09:42:37

That’s the day Jennifer Aniston’s new movie Management hits theatres. You know how she loves to conveniently get back together with John Mayer whenever it’s time to pimp a project? John Mayer gets a few weeks of freedom before contractual obligations call again? Or will it be someone new this time?

People.com conducted a poll this weekend canvassing the MiniVan to pick her next man. Yeah because that’s how pathetic she’s become. She needs the public to find her a boyfriend.

Among the options?

George Clooney, Justin Long, John Mayer (again), and … Robert Pattinson. As unlikely as that sounds, Stephen Huvane is probably ALL OVER Robert Pattinson. Fabulous at 40! + Teen Beat’s current obsession = a publicity goldmine and I wouldn’t say it’s impossible either. Summit is selling him everywhere already, why not sell him to Jennifer Aniston? The question is: will Rob draw the line at the love fraud for ticket sales? It’s a deliciously smutty prospect, click here to see the poll.

Even more interesting though – what would happen if Jennifer Aniston could actually convince George Clooney to go out with her? It’s obviously impossible, she’d bore the sh-t out of him and he can move a movie all by himself, thank you very much, and besides, George is not a bro before ho kind of dude. Brad > Jen.

Having said that, on a smutty sociological level, in the unlikely event of a George Clooney Jennifer Aniston hookup, would the MiniVan turn against her?

A very clever reader called Eloise wrote last week in response to the Meg Ryan Question – why women were unable to forgive her but continue to embrace Julia Roberts.

Eloise contends that with Meg it was a question of audacity. Once upon a time, back in the day, Dennis Quaid was a Quiver Option, Clooney before Clooney. Have you seen the Big Easy? We all loved Meg, America’s Sweetheartd, and Dennis. But then Meg left Dennis and took up with Russell Crowe, at the height of his hotness. He may be puffy now, but back then, Russell Crowe had women losing their sh-t and panties in the aisles. In other words, Meg bagged not one but two on the MiniVan list. And couldn’t make it work with either.

You know the judgy MiniVan: there must be something wrong with her. She reached so high, pulled down 2 stars, and pissed it all away. This is how they ruled.

Will it be the same with Jennifer Aniston?

She had Brad. If she were to get George, and lose George, what will they say about her then? Because you know it – even if Colin Farrell wanted me in a 3 way and Emmy Rossum were to win an Oscar one day (translation: f-cking never), even if Jennifer Aniston were to get George Clooney, you know she’d never be able to KEEP George Clooney.


Management trailer. In which Jennifer Aniston plays Rachel Green. Again.

File photos from Wenn.com

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