It has been my experience that Jeremy Renner fans tend to be a most entertainingly delusional group of people. I don’t get hate mail from Renner fans, I get charmingly deranged, five thousand word essays about all the various ways in which I am wrong about whatever I’ve said about Renner this time. So it is with a sense of great anticipatory relish that I am covering the news that Renner has, in fact, married Sonni Pacheco, the Canadian model with whom he had a baby last year. (Lainey: we posted about his ring and the visa last year – click here for a refresher.)

Their relationship has never made a lot of sense to smut hounds—are they, aren’t they, did they then or not—so it’s nice to have this officially cleared up. I wondered earlier in the year about their status as she doesn’t accompany him to professional events—or doesn’t get photographed at them, anyway. In recent comments to Capitol File magazine, Renner says he tries to protect her privacy, that just because she’s married to him she doesn’t deserve to have her life invaded by paparazzi.

I like this attitude—he acknowledges his own place in the celebrity ecosystem, but he’s making the effort to protect his family simply by not putting them on display. But I’m sure the fact that we see so little of Pacheco is actually some kind of grand conspiracy, and not simply that she is not a famewhore who avoids the spotlight. So please, Renner fans, hit me with your best shot. Tell me, in detail, how I’m wrong—bonus points to whoever can tie in the dolphin-people of Zarlax-7.