Have you seen Jessica Alba’s new spread for Elle? She’s thin enough, I don’t know why her waist had to be made look that size. But whatever. According to Kelly Osbourne, this must mean Jessica Alba is happy happy happy! Skinny = Happy! 

Alba has a supporting role in the upcoming Little Fockers. She’s also currently working on the new Spy Kids movie. And of course you know her because that bitch Kate Winslet keeps thwarting her Oscar attempts. It’s the only reason why Alba doesn’t have one. Because the way she’s talking, she could school Meryl Streep, teach a Master Class in Amazing Acting-ness. 

These quotes are so full of Sit the F-CK DOWN, you might need to remove yourself from children and animals before you read them. 

On her resumé, sounding a little defensive, non? 
“I know I haven’t been swimming in the deep end with some of the movies I’ve done. I wasn’t trying to. I knew what they were.”

On how she’s Tina Fey now: 
“I’m shy. I don’t like being the center of attention. But when I do comedy, I lose all inhibition and introspection. I no longer care.”

On how she agrees with Princess AssTalk Katherine Heigl: 
“Good actors, never use the script unless it’s amazing writing. All the good actors I’ve worked with, they all say whatever they want to say.”

Here’s the difference between the Winslets and the Streeps of the world, and the Jessicas Alba and Biel. Kate and Meryl would never disrespect the material like that. There’s nothing in Alba’s statement that indicates she knows the value of collaboration. THAT is the problem. 

And there’s more. Apparently Jessica Alba will only leave the house for, like, Martin Scorsese now because she’s a mother and doesn’t want to leave her kid. The way she’s sounding it’s like they send her everything and she gets to pick and choose:

“The time I’m not spending with my kid has to be worth it, so when I sat down with my agents after I was ready to go back to work, I told them: It’s all about the directors.”

Click here to read more, if you can stand it. And see the photos.