I knew it.

I know her better than she knows herself. I know her better than she knows...anything. Here’s what I wrote yesterday about her pathetic engagement:

You have two choices here to explain it: either that dumbass couldn’t wait to tell the world she’s not going to be left behind as a spinster or that dumbass’s opportunistic boyfriend exploited her at her lowest moment, proposed with a Ring Pop, and talked her into buying her own bloody engagement ring at Harry Winston. Because how else could he have afforded it?

How else indeed?

So I was wrong about Harry Winston. It was Neil Lane. Everything else however was totally predictable.The ring cost $100K. The dude who couldn’t make it in the NFL and dropped out of Wharton, he has $100K to spend at Neil Lane? Please. They wouldn’t let him in the door at Neil Lane.

Which is why Popeater is quoting a friend of Jessica Simpson who says:

"No way could Eric, who doesn't have a job at the moment, afford to purchase such an expensive ring. Yes, he made a little bit of money in the NFL and is from a wealthy family, but unless his parents helped him out, Jessica must have paid for it herself."

Of course she paid for it herself. Was there every any doubt? There also, apparently, won’t be a pre-nup either. Not if she hasn’t anything to do with it. Because that gets in the way of true love. Sigh. I hear you. I hear what so many of you are saying. You are saying that she deserves it. You are saying that she’s asking for it. You are saying that if she persists in this kind of dumbassness, there’s no need to sympathise, let him bleed her dry.

Um, why am I the voice of compassion?

How many times do I have to keep telling you she is genetically stupid? And therefore incapable of making proper decisions? My dog has the intelligence of a 3 year old. I don’t get mad at him when he forgets he just ate an hour ago. It’s up to me not to feed him, not to give in to the whims of a creature with limited cognitive ability. Jessica Simpson is a creature of limited cognitive ability. You can’t walk away from someone who is INCAPABLE of anything resembling sophisticated brain activity. That’s too cruel, even for me. Be ashamed of yourselves.

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