Jessica Simpson and her husband went out for dinner last night. This outfit surprises me because her tits are a lot more contained than I expected them to be.

Anyway, as you’ve probably heard, Jessica was on HSN last week selling clothes and everyone thought she was drunk. Here’s video if you’ve not seen it yet:

TMZ subsequently reported that she wasn’t drunk, citing sources who insist that “giggling and slurring is just part of her personality”. You know what? I agree. It is her personality. You know why? This is a girl who basically sits around and farts all day. Is it that surprising then that she’s a lazy talker? The only time she’s motivated to move her lips is when she’s writhing on top of a muscle car in her bikini. Speaking words is not enough incentive for her to use her mouth, let alone the time that’s required for her brain to send those words to her mouth and push them out. OF COURSE she sober-slurs. Like, since when did we expect Jessica Simpson to be eloquent?