It’s Jennifer Aniston’s birthday tomorrow and for the last two weeks we’ve been forced to celebrate along with her.

America’s Sweetheart has suddenly become the MiniVan Majority’s poster-woman for 40, screaming at full volume: that 40 is better than 20! 40 can be fit and fresh, glowing and gorgeous…that is, if you live by the beach, and you get months and months off work several times a year, you have a Pilates studio in your house, your delicious low calorie meals are delivered three times a day, your stylist is on call for a blowout even if you’re just going to visit a friend, you’ve never had children, and you don’t spend half your day running after said children.

Oh yeah baby. 40 is totally AWEsome!

This is why, by and large, despite a few hiccups, the Jennifer Aniston media strategy continues to astound. Because somehow they’ve managed to successfully sell her as “Relatable” even though her relatability can only be related to residents of Malibu.

But the MiniVan follows no such logic.

And the MiniVan is buzzing with excitement this morning over what will surely be called the Most Romantic birthday gift ever. is reporting exclusively – of course is reporting it exclusively! – that John Mayer has written a song for Jen, a special song (is there any other kind?) in honour of her 40th.

A gift of limp dick music.


So what do you think? Dude writes you a song for your birthday. Romantic? Or Rossum?

Speaking of–John won a Grammy for Best Male Pop Performance for Say…the song where he just repeats the same line over and over and over and over and over again? Over Jason Mraz?

No words.

File photos from