Sorry, I should say Justin Timberlake won’t stop. He will never stop promoting Trolls. America could be well into HRC’s second term and JT will still be rocking a troll costume and singing the most annoying song of 2016. Name a more annoying song than Can’t Stop The Feeling. I dare you.

On the latest stop of the never-ending press tour, Timberlake covers Variety for a super long feature I told Lainey I would read so she didn’t have to. I almost feel bad for depriving her of JT deep thoughts like this:  

“You’ll notice I say ‘I don’t know’ a lot… And you know the reason why? Because I don’t f—king know! I’ve realized that I don’t really know anything, and when you realize that, you realize a lot.”

Full disclosure: It was only a few months ago that Justin Timberlake dad danced his way out of my heart and I officially, permanently, removed the JT blinders I had on since I was an *NSYNC –loving adolescent. In that time, Timberlake has done some pretty dumb sh-t that has made me feel great about my decision to focus my fangirl elsewhere. You know when you stop dating someone and all your friends are like, “oh, yeah he was the WORST” and then you look back and think, “How did I not see that he was the worst?” This is how I feel about Justin Timberlake. I always knew what he did to Janet was f-cked (#neverforget) but still, in another time, I would have thought all of the quotes from this interview were charming. I would have thought the above “I don’t know” bit was humble instead of pretentious. I would have laughed when the writer describes JT’s diaper-changing anecdotes followed by his admission that he isn’t keeping up with pop culture only to do this:

When the topic of Frank Ocean’s “Blonde” is broached, he offers some impromptu a cappella beat-boxed renditions of “Solo” and “Ivy” in the middle of a crowded restaurant.

Justin Timberlake started beat-boxing Frank Ocean songs in the middle of a crowded restaurant. Subtle. I can feel Lainey’s rage from across the building. How did I not know he was the worst?

The focus of Variety’s piece is Justin’s film career or the fact that he has yet to become a Serious Movie Actor. Director Jonathan Demme (who also directed the JT Netflix concert film I fell asleep 20 minutes into watching) is quoted saying, “Justin is right on the verge of his gigantic breakout movie.” Really? The Social Network came out 6 years ago. He’s had 6 starring roles—not including voice work—since then. How long is this verge? How many chances is Justin Timberlake going to get before we realize that maybe he was only meant to be a great entertainer on stage, not on screen. Timberlake, as he usually does, finds a way to remind us of his Britney connection by crediting his time on The Mickey Mouse Club as a reason for his quest to be an Actor.

“It’s not a stretch when you see people who’ve come out of that show and go, ‘Oh, that guy can sing? Oh, that girl can act?’ We were taught all that, and we were just sponges — most of us, anyway — just soaking it all in.”

To me, the “most of us, anyway” is pure shade. So, who is it directed at? Britney? He would. Christina? Burlesque was a cinematic masterpiece so probably not. JC Chasez? Probably.

The Variety feature is also making headlines because Justin talks about working on new music. Even though he’s my ex-imaginary boyfriend, I will still probably have a hard time resisting a catchy Pharrell-produced Justin Timberlake pop hit. Pharrell and Timbaland both reveal that they have been recording with JT. These are the guys behind some of Justin’s most famous hits. In the past, the promise of new music from Justin Timberlake would have made me squeal. Now, I’m just hoping Pharrell or Timbaland can stop JT from releasing another dad-pop anthem like Can’t Stop The Feeling. Here’s how Justin describes his new sound:
“I wouldn’t say [my new material] is the antithesis of ‘20/20,’ but it does sound more singular,” he says. “If ‘20/20’ sounded like it literally surrounds your entire head, this stuff feels more like it just punches you between the eyes.”

Nope. I have no idea what this means. Can’t Stop The Feeling might feel like a punch in the eye if it wins an Oscar, so there’s that?

At one point, Timberlake says he sounds like he’s reading from the, “New Age Entertainer Manuscript.” That’s one way to put it. I’ll leave you with the quote that would be the thesis statement of that manuscript.

“I’m just in the now of now. I think it’s an effect of just enjoying my life more. For a long time I lived my life for a lot of other people, or for the idea that those other people had an idea of me. And whatever — there’s a guy who’s gonna wake up tomorrow and transfer an organ from one body to another and save someone’s life — so what are we even doing?”


Click here to read the full interview in Variety.