I’ve written several times recently about Titanic nostalgia. The movie means a lot to people, I get that. Which is why you lose your sh-t every time Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet find themselves at the same event. And since they’re both award season participants this year, we’re getting a lot of that. So it’s coming up a lot. The media wants the headline. You want to click on it. You want to believe in Jack and Rose. You want to believe that some day Leo will stop looking at the swimsuit catalogue and realise that Kate was The One all along. In Kate, you see you.

F-ck you, Lainey, it’s not like that.

No? Not even a little bit?

Here’s Leo last night in New York at the amfAR gala catching up with Robert De Niro and Uma Thurman. Don’t even go there. They’ve known each other a while and she’s had several children, which probably repulses him. Kate, meanwhile, was promoting Triple 9 this week and was asked about going to the Oscars, whether or not she might skip the event given all the controversy.

"To be honest with you, it has been such an extraordinary year for women I'd feel like I was letting my side down if I didn't go. And also I feel very strongly that it may possibly be Leo's year. And he is my closest friend in the world and I just couldn't imagine not being there to support him.”

Closest friend in the world?

What would Lukas Haas have to say about that? Lukas, who stands off in corners, quietly, while Leo talks to people much more famous. Lukas, who’s been Leo’s ride or die, from Brazil to Bora Bora, from the Artic to the Mediterranean. From jet to yacht to Vegas, inside and outside every barely legal pussy, on every movie set Leo can get him a job on…

Lukas has always been there.

But what if Lukas is reduced to being a name on the screen crawl (click here if you don’t know what this means) but Kate gets called out on live television?

Um…nothing, right?