Here are some old shots from July 2008. Scientology head David Miscavige tagged along with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes to watch a race. You know, because Tom and David are manly men on motorcycles and sh-t. Miscavige of course was also the best man at their wedding. Ex-Scientologists have been saying for years that he’s a brutal dictator. That he may or may not have abused his relatives. That his wife is missing and it’s because she wanted to leave him.

Please paparazzi, please protect the Katie.

You can google all of this easily - Tony Ortega at The Village Voice has covered it exhaustively - and when you have 3 hours to kill, I encourage you to do so...but you may not be able to sleep tonight. This blog is for Hollywood gossip and I’m not really interested in turning it into a website that proves how Xenu and his followers are crazy motherf-ckers. That, to me, is already an established fact. Let’s instead consider how that fact impacts Katie Holmes. Or, rather, how she might impact them.

Up to now, no one, and certainly not with her profile, has had the balls to declare open warfare on the Church. This after all is an organisation that once bullied the IRS into granting them charity status. For several decades they won by intimidation...

And along comes sweet, soft-spoken Katie Holmes, still known to most of us at as the girl who sang On My Own in a baby voice at a beauty pageant, as the first legitimate challenger to the power of Xenu. The Hollywood Reporter called her “the biggest nightmare” in Scientology history yesterday as former members of the Church are rallying around her, applauding her impressive offensive in how she’s completely cut off Tom, his family, his religion all while cleverly manipulating public opinion in her favour. In other words, she’s playing their game... and beating their asses at it.

What’s so brilliant about Katie’s playbook is how subtle it was. All she had to do was file for divorce out of the blue and demand sole custody for Suri. One phone call to PEOPLE magazine to say she’s only concerned for her daughter’s “wellbeing” and everyone else did all the rest work. Her move gave licence to the media outlets to immediately blame Scientology for whatever it was that she was getting away from. From there the narrative writes itself: the caring, gentle mother vs the devil-worshipping movie star, the brave dimpled single parent vs the big bad cult. Come ON. As a study in image management, it doesn’t get much better than what Katie Holmes is doing. To be fair, she’s coming at Scientology at a time when the organisation has been weakened by multiple defections and scandals. But you could argue that that's how a great soldier distinguishes herself from a medium one: she knows when to go in for the kill.

But where is the Scientology celebrity faithful? Where is Kirstie Alley? She’s defended her Church and Tom Cruise before. Right now her Church is being sh-t and pissed on from all sides, openly vilified by mainstream news, and she’s remained silent on the matter, tweeting instead about everything but. You know why? Because right now Katie Holmes seems invulnerable. Scientologists are experts at destroying their enemies. And yet Katie Holmes has not only stunned them into disarray, she also seems impenetrable right now. The public is on her side. The media is on her side. The paparazzi is on her side.

Of all people, Katie Holmes might f-ck up Xenu.


Katie Holmes is The One. She is Skywalker, Neo, and Harry Potter.