When I first saw the headline “Why Kiefer Sutherland Decided Not to Give Up Alcohol” I had to read it a few times. Usually headlines like this refer to someone who has decided to quit drinking, not someone who has actively decided to keep boozing. But this is Kiefer Sutherland, someone who has not been shy about his love of bars. It’s gotten him into trouble, including serving jail time for a DUI while he was starring on (the then super popular) 24. He also headbutted one of the Proenza Schouler designers. So he’s done some really stupid, dangerous things. But he’s also done this, my favourite YouTube video.

We all know a drinker like Kiefer in real life – the person who can go either way. A night out with a type like Kiefer will either be a I’ll-remember-this-on-my-deathbed story, or you are going to be out on the street at 3 a.m. in the rain trying to hail a cab, swearing that you will never go out in public with him/her again.

That is the allure of someone like Kiefer… especially at 25. Maybe 35? Kiefer is 49. You would think that kind of “fun” has an expiration date, but not for him. In a new interview with PEOPLE, he is read back some of his lyrics (is there anything worse than song lyrics being read out loud without music?) that people interpreted as a love song but he actually wrote them about alcohol. He concedes that alcohol is his greatest escape and source of pleasure, but it’s also been a direct cause of all the bad sh-t that’s happened in his life (in other words, he gets bombed and acts the fool).

But here I am torn. I want to say Kiefer should grow up, maybe consider a juice cleanse, but then I go back to this.

And he goes back to it, too. He loves showing that clip. Kiefer drinks so he can jump into Christmas trees and as long as he is smart about it (as in getting a driver and keeping his hands and head to himself), should we deny him that? Should we deny ourselves Drunk Kiefer? Should Kiefer deny himself Drunk Kiefer?

Well, he’s decided it’s a definite no. He’s happy to be a boozehound. And why would he really want to give up the good times? Jack Bauer is a household name on the same level as MacGyver and 24 made it rain for him. The DUIs haven’t hurt. Aging, um, more quickly than his peers (he’s 3 years younger than Rob Lowe) hasn’t hurt him. And he even has a new show, Designated Survivor (Jack Bauer wears glasses!), on ABC and CTV.

Quitting would probably mess up his flow. And there’s no way he’d get this height sober.