So many of you have emailed today asking for my thoughts on Kristen Bell’s sloth appearance on Ellen. Even Sasha sent a message to both Duana and me all like, “I think I might not hate her anymore”.

As already mentioned, I’m a late admirer of Veronica Mars. During Seasons 1 and 2, so, like, two weeks ago, you could say I was obsessed. I am currently paused after 6 episodes of Season 3 because that fake fat Zac Efron character is grossing me out and also because I can sense that terrible things are about to go down. And my worry is that they’ll go down without time to be fixed. Veronica Mars was cancelled after S3. And while Duana keeps holding my hand encouraging me to go on, I don’t know that I’m ready to deal yet. There is a very good chance I may never finish the season at all. (You can’t make me Duana!)

Needless to say, I am invested in the show and the character. And still, surprisingly, pretty indifferent to Kristen Bell.

About this sloth video then...

Here, watch it first, for those of you who haven’t yet:

Funny, right? Really, really funny. Totally funny. She’s funny, no doubt. And good for her for sharing something that makes her look so nerdy. No wonder they love her at Comic-Con.


You know...

You know this isn’t the spontaneous, let me tell you the best story off the top of my head moment on a talk show, don’t you? You know that this was PRODUCED, right? That this is exactly how she planned it? I mean, she got the call to be on Ellen. And she decided that she’d talk to Ellen about the sloth loving. So she found her sloth home video. And during the pre-call with Ellen’s staff, she told them she had a tape. And she sent them the tape in advance. SO THAT THEY COULD ADD THE SUBTITLES.

Does it bother you that there are subtitles on the video? Slightly???

This was my email response to Sasha and Duana. To which Duana answered, indeed, “a touch. But not that much. Honestly. There are so many more people deserving of your hate.”


So OK fine, maybe a little. Maybe I like her more a little. In the way that I might like a person who meticulously plans how wide she’ll smile and how loud she’ll laugh. Kristen Bell is not the cuddly tiny thing you want to hug because she cries on command at the thought of the sloth. Rather, here is a hard, prepared, calculating actress. She knew EXACTLY the reaction she wanted from you. So long as you’re OK with that...

I suppose I could get to a place where I might be OK with that because ultimately I think Kristen Bell is smart, smarter than most of the f-cking idiots considered to be her peers.

Smart enough to play Johanna Mason?

Apparently she’s been lobbying for the part of Johanna Mason in The Hunger Games movies. Duana is currently harassing me over email about this. Literally. The cunning and the manipulation, certainly. I don’t know about the voice though. I always “hear” Johanna to have a deeper voice. Suggestive, yes, but not necessarily “sassy”. Bell’s voice though, well, it is nothing if it’s not sassy. I’m not sure if I can handle Gossip Girl fighting it out there in the arena, you know?