Over the weekend, Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher announced the birth of their son, Dimitri Portwood Kutcher. 

I am all for this.  Every bit of it. In a way, Dimitri is an obvious choice (though I suspect that in this family they’re going to be less likely to use any nicknames), and is underused and stylish and of course speaks to Mila’s Russian heritage. Portwood is for Kutcher’s stepfather – it’s his last name. It’s charming, wearable, unusual…and it’s probably gotten a better review from me than their daughter’s name – Wyatt Isabelle was born in 2014.

So, Wyatt and Dimitri. Both totally understandable choices, but let’s be honest --  they don’t exactly sound like they come from the same place. I often comment on how blended families should try to fit new sibling names into the ones that already exist, but this is a total style shift after less than two years – or maybe a difference in the dominant parent: by Kutcher’s own admission, he came up with Wyatt, whereas it’s almost impossible not to think Dimitri was Mila’s idea.

Then again, in a way, that makes Mila and Ashton kind of Just Like Us – just another North American couple trying to balance cultural influences and represent their heritages while still letting their kids fit into the day to day of having been born here. I’m particularly into it as Kunis has been open about her struggles as a child immigrant, and her children will likely never know any experience like that. The name, as a talisman to a different place and time, is something I can totally get behind – but stay tuned to discover, in 15-18 years, that it’s Wyatt who’s really into her mother’s heritage, and wants to connect with it more.
As for the other baby name news this weekend, Jensen Ackles and Danneel Harris had twins, their second and third children…and I had many questions. I put together some information to work with:

One – Jensen Ackles has been on Supernatural for twelve seasons. Twelve. On a heavily-syndicated show. I’m surprised he doesn’t have twelve kids by now.

Two – From what I can see, his wife (who, I should point out, was on One Tree Hill – I don’t want to imply she’s just ‘the wife’), whose name is spelled ‘Danneel’, pronounces it ‘Danielle’? I have to assume… [UPDATE: it's Dan-kneel. Thanks Marcail!]

Three – Their daughter is called JJ, from her full name, ‘Justice Jay’.

Four – Their twins are a boy and a girl.

These are four pieces of information with which to process the names: Zeppelin Bram and Arrow Rhodes. I’m going to go with ‘Zeppelin Bram’ as the boy, because of Bram, but really, who knows? For that matter, I don’t know if there’s something subversive happening with Zeppelin always being mentioned before Arrow? Is there some ‘from Z to A’ thing going on? Is this about the order they were born or some sort of upending of the hierarchy of the alphabet through infants?  

I just…I don’t even know what to say. If their older sister is JJ, are they going to be called AR and ZB? Is it against my usual traditional nature if I kind of hope so? I crow all the time about how the ‘Hollywood Baby Name’ is dead, and there are Ellas all across Los Angeles that will prove my point. But…seriously now. Zeppelin Bram and Arrow Rhodes? Either on its own is curious, even unusual. Together they are a movement. A STATEMENT. I just…stay tuned on exactly what statement. And to whom. And what happens if the babies shuffle themselves out of order. And whether they liked the A to Z thing, but originally wanted to go with something like Ari and Zeppelin, but then thought ‘no, they better both be about trajectories and flight and stuff…’

Arrow and Zeppelin may someday be in a fancy Beverly Hills preschool alongside Dimitri. I can only imagine which of them will think they got the better deal.