Our Golden Globes coverage delayed this story…

But how much did you love that Ricky Gervais opened on a Sean Penn joke on Sunday night? No matter how much you loved it, Sean Penn loved it the most. He f-cking LOVES that he was the one who went into the Mexican jungle and interviewed El Chapo, the drug lord.

As you probably know, Sean Penn wrote about his encounter with El Chapo for Rolling Stone – click here to read it. I sent it to Jacek on Sunday morning. I was in bed and he was downstairs. He read it halfway through without knowing who the author was. All he knew was that the writer was a f-cking idiot. Then he realised it was Sean Penn.
Sean Penn, the proper journalist, who decided to include details about pulling out his dick to piss on a tree and farting farewell to El Chapo to earn his respect. The piece is 10,000 words long, basically an exercise for Sean to show us how many words he knows or can look up in a dictionary. Though Rolling Stone editors have since claimed that the article was thoroughly edited, there are grammar mistakes all over the place that have nothing to do with stylistic flair. In several places, for instance, he doesn’t know the difference between using “I” and “me”. The magazine also defends the decision to allow El Chapo to preview and approve the piece before publication and even though he didn’t make any changes – WHY WOULD HE? SEAN PENN JERKED HIM OFF IN ENGLISH – Rolling Stone and Sean are being criticised up and down all over the place for compromising journalistic standards.

Because, yes, Sean Penn thought this was investigative journalism. Pre-approval by the subject and no follow-up questions, and this is investigative journalism? So, basically, Sean Penn thinks what he did is the same job as The Boston Globe journalists who uncovered the Catholic priest scandal. If they had submitted their work to the church and offered them pre-approval and the opportunity to make changes to their reports, you think the thousands upon thousands of abuse victims would have had their stories told?

This was not investigative journalism. But it was a celebrity profile. It’s pretty much what happens when Vanity Fair or Esquire interviews a celebrity. The anecdotes, the observations about fashion (Sean actually described El Chapo’s outfit and facial hair), the kid-gloving, the FAWNING, the fact that he didn’t press El Chapo on any actual issues…

Sean Penn has essentially written the same version of every article that’s been written about him over the course of his career in almost every celebrity magazine in the world. He’s writing into a mirror. Which is why this effort isn’t investigative, not at all. It’s vanity. It’s ego. And when ego is the primary motivation behind an investigation, you’ll never, ever get at the truth.

The truth, as Sean sees it, is that the “War on Drugs” has failed. And that the US government’s drug policy is making the problem worse, not better. Fine. So you decide to write a piece for Rolling Stone, using your influential celebrity platform, not profiling the victims and the “families decimated” by drugs but an article about a guy who tells you he’s so rich from drugs he has a “fleet of submarines, airplanes, trucks and boats”????????????

And he expects to be respected for it?

Oh yeah. Of course he does.

Page Six reports today that Sean was swinging his dick around the Beverly Hills Hotel during Golden Globes weekend supposedly “strategising” how to handle this El Chapo situation so loudly that everyone could hear. So he was bragging. He was showing off. He wants you to know that he’s so f-cking hardcore that even El Chapo couldn’t deny him.

Yeah, you asshole, because you have two Oscars, married Madonna, and ONCE PLAYED SPICOLI, not because you’re Edward R Murrow.

Speaking of Madonna, the two were together at his Haiti fundraiser on Saturday, holding hands and encouraging everyone to believe that they’re a thing again. Which totally means they are NOT a thing. She did say on stage though, during her performance, that (watch the video too):

 

Two manipulative famewhores who both need a distraction: she wants you to stop thinking that her bratty teenage son wants nothing to do with her and he wants you to stop thinking that he used to beat her ass and focus instead on his work as a humanitarian and, apparently, the man who will go on to solve the crime problem in America and cure addiction.