The Walking Dead Season 3 Episode 1 recap

Yay The Walking Dead is back and the first thing we get to see is a zombie eyeball. Oh, Walking Dead. You do so know what we like.

Without Stupid Shane wrecking the dynamic, we can finally get to Daryl serving as Officer Rick’s second. This is already so much more compelling, as it’s actual action and not standing around talking. Rick and Daryl patrolling is a thousand times more fun to watch than Rick and Shane and we’re only 100 seconds into the episode.

Also along on this expedition is Carl, carrying a gun with an hilariously huge silencer.

Enter Horrible Lori, hugely pregnant.

If you live in rural Georgia, and The Walking Dead wants to use your house as a location, are you flattered that they think it looks cinematic or insulted that they think it looks sh-tty enough to believably have come through the zombie apocalypse?

The first eight minutes of the episode has no dialogue. This makes season three better than 97% of season two by default. I truly believe this show works better the less dialogue they have.

Daryl and Rick hunting! And let the slash-fanfiction commence.


Lori’s fake pregnancy belly is awful. For a show that deals so heavily in prosthetics, why is it so bad? (Because everyone hates Lori, duh.)

Wow—Rick is killing it as leader in his new Ricktocracy. And he’s pretty fair, taking the most dangerous job for himself. This is a selflessness Shane never understood.

I don’t remember this blonde farm cannibal’s name, but she looks like Luna Lovegood. So that’s her name now.

The group takes the prison yard in minutes and it’s worth noting that the women play a key component in it. Carol isn’t useless! She’s a “pretty good shot”! Now if we can just make T-Dog an actual person, we’ll be all good.

Is Daryl wearing…a poncho? And is he…putting the moves on Carol? EW GROSS.

And now we’re having a campfire sing-a-long.

Officer Rick now comes in a limited-edition Take Charge model. Take Charge Rick includes backbone chip and “Lori shut up I’ve got sh*t to do” accessories. “Regret for murdering Shane” not included.

Enter Michonne who is a f*cking stone cold badass right away.

And this is the point where I had to pause it because my cat, Pancake, got stuck behind the TV stand and I had to rescue her. Because she is a huge drama queen who resents anything that isn’t food or tummy rubs.

Back to it. I really love how Rick has zero time for Lori. She doesn’t even have a chance to be horrible because he’s like, BITCH PLEASE every time she gets in his face.

Glenn checking Maggie for scratches is the sweetest thing. Hopefully the “female character improvement program” includes building this relationship. This season is going to need a light spot.

I totally went off American Horror Story last year and was actively rooting for everyone to be eaten by ghosts, but the ads for the new “Asylum” series are getting to me. I can feel myself getting sucked back in. Damn you AHS!

Back to Michonne and her jawless, armless zombie pets. She’s with Andrea, who is sick. Ugh, Andrea. Hope she’s part of the “female character improvement program”, too.

Lori hasn’t felt the baby move so she thinks it’s dead, and wonders what happens if the baby is stillborn, given that everyone carries the zombie virus. Now these are the kinds of conversations this show should have more of. Just not like, thirty times over.

The prison makes a great set. It’s on par with the hospital from the pilot episode for “gross things lying around”. Like the beginning of the episode, the dialogue-less search party scene is tense and terrifically exciting. See? Action x 3 – talk = SUCCESS.

Jesus CHR*ST. Rick just field-amputated Herschel’s leg because he got bit. Am beyond queasy.

There’s something sneaking up on the group…it’s OTHER PEOPLE! Dum dum dummmmm

Status Check:
Officer Rick – Performing amputations with an axe. So, a regular day.
Horrible Lori – Worried about her zombie baby eating her from the inside.
Stupid Shane – Still dead.
Daryl – Getting more screen time, FINALLY.
Herschel – Down a leg, probably dying.
Andrea/Michonne – Separated from the group, on the run.

Worst thing seen/heard this week: Herschel’s field amputation.

Zombie kill of the week: Daryl with a knife to the eye.

Attached - Andrew Lincoln and Norman Reedus at New York Comic-Con.