Johnny’s “great match”

The dumbest headline is sitting at the top of PEOPLE.com today (7am ET):

Really?

What are the possible answers to this riddle?

Johnny Depp proposed to Amber Heard because:

-He hates her

No, no. It can’t be that.

Johnny Depp proposed to Amber Heard because:

-He’s bored

OK. Possible. But would they actually publish that story? PEOPLE?

Let’s try again. Johnny Depp proposed to Amber Heard because:

-He’s a 50 year old cliché.

That’s my choice, but I promise you it’s not the angle the magazine is taking.

So Johnny Depp proposed to Amber Heard because…

-“She's a great match for him and his individuality. She's a free spirit." This according to a “source” close to Depp.

Johnny Depp now has to resort to sending out his “sources” to plant details about his personal life in weekly magazines – what is this? That’s a reality show star move. That’s a Tori Spelling and KFed Jr move. That’s a f-cking Kardashian move. This is the world now. Jordan Catalano is about to win an Oscar and Johnny Depp is a Kardashian.