Is this... how it’s done now?

I haven’t been single in a long time. I guess these days when you’re single and then suddenly not single you not only update your status on the social networking, if you’re Tiger Woods, you also have PROFESSIONAL PORTRAITS taken to post on Facebook,  with a personal message confirming that you have a new girlfriend/boyfriend...

And really cheesy ones too. Like the fake laughing, staring off camera into the distance kind. With the following messages:

This season has been great so far and I'm happy with my wins at Torrey and Doral. Something nice that's happened off the course was meeting Lindsey Vonn. Lindsey and I have been friends for some time, but over the last few months we have become very close and are now dating. We thank you for your support and for respecting our privacy. We want to continue our relationship, privately, as an ordinary couple and continue to compete as athletes. -- Tiger Woods

I guess it wasn't a well-kept secret but yes, I am dating Tiger Woods. Our relationship evolved from a friendship into something more over these past few months and it has made me very happy. I don't plan on addressing this further as I would like to keep that part of my life between us, my family and close friends. Thank you for understanding and your continued support! xo LV. -- Lindsey Vonn

How much money does it take to convince a brain that asking people to “respect our privacy” while ANNOUNCING A RELATIONSHIP is OK?

How much success has to happen before you can say that sh-t with a straight face?

Please. It’s not just Tiger Woods. It’s Ben Affleck. It’s Gwyneth Paltrow. It’s f-cking Oprah. When a famous person says something from a stage, it has to be true, because otherwise why would they be up on the stage?

PS. If you’re going around releasing Dating Portraits, you better not get caught in the back of a Perkins with a girl on her period.