God that was painful. Just sat through Letterman’s interview with Tom Cruise last night. It was 3 segments which...if you’re familiar with Dave, you know, normally, only the veteran chatters, the good ones, they get 3 segments. Like Tom Hanks. Or Julia Roberts. George Clooney, Sandra Bullock, the ones who can play, and roll, and wit.

Then there’s Tom Cruise. I guess, now, this is not surprising about Tom Cruise. That there’s no spontaneity, no unguarded charm, no...charisma? But how is this possible? For two decades, he was the most famous, most popular movie star in the world. Was that achievable, back then, without charisma and personality? Was it easier to camouflage the dull parts? Has Modern Celebrity evolved too quickly for him? Or has he consciously replaced what was interesting with what he thinks is safe?

Whatever the answer, Tom Cruise is BORING. Because he has nothing to offer.  And the only reason I can recommend to watch this video is to observe how f-cking hard Letterman has to work to get through the segment. All of the segments.

Next to Tom Cruise, Jessica Biel is Tina Fey.

You ask Tom Cruise about having a teenage son and he turns it into 1985, revealing that he and his son Connor like riding motorcycles and daredevilling together. You ask Tom Cruise about his home in Colorado and once again he pulls out his dick and tells you that he’s king of the snowboard, the same dude who played volleyball with his shirt off giving super hard high fives with a clenched jaw and an iron gaze through sunglasses.

Is it that Tom Cruise simply hasn’t changed? Is it because he seems so determined NOT to change?

Tom recently said that he plans to spend the holidays with his children -- all of them. Seeing as he had Thanksgiving with Suri, perhaps the arrangement, as is the case with many divorced parents, is that he gets all the holidays. Which is how it worked when my parents split (for 10 years before getting back together and yes, this explains why I am crazy, because they ruined my life twice) and in light of that I wonder if it wasn’t fair the criticism he received for not seeing her for over 3 months this fall.