Books Jessica Simpson’s history with John Mayer Jessica Simpson’s book, Open Book, came out yesterday – and as promised, she has been OPEN. This is what you want out of a celebrity memoir: not just the tea but also the context; it has to be more than X and Y was an asshole, it’s better when By Lainey • Feb 05, 2020 01:16 pm
Jock Smut Jessica Simpson’s Gossip Nostalgia Jessica Simpson, Eric Johnson, and their two children were seen at LAX yesterday. Not sure where they’re going. Maybe Dallas? Probably not Dallas? I say this because last week, I read an article about the Dallas Cowboys. It was a playoff bye week for the team, apparently their first By Lainey • Jan 13, 2017 12:24 pm
Girly Throw Downs Coincidence or Conspiracy: Porny Pregnancy edition Jessica Simpson used to date Tony Romo, the sh-tty quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys. Romo is now married to Candice Crawford. He and Crawford were engaged within a month of Porny’s engagement to that loser with no job who lives in her house. Porny, quite obviously, is pregnant. And By Lainey • Oct 25, 2011 05:16 pm
Weddings I can’t watch... Straight through. I had to break it up 45 seconds at a time. Because the Fontrum, Jesus, I mean they say everything is bigger in Texas, and, well, that applies to Fontrum too. Anyway, maybe you can stand it better than I can. Maybe you can make it all the By Lainey • Jul 14, 2011 03:05 am
Jock Smut Porny is not single A few of you have emailed lately – something about my Porny getting her heart broken again. Is it because she’s gone a week or two without being photographed with her freeloader? Please. He’s not going anywhere. Why work, or study, or try when Jessica Simpson is offering to By Lainey • Oct 12, 2010 03:35 am
Girly Throw Downs Yellow Porny vs the ex My Porny Simpson attended the White House Correspondents’ Dinner this weekend. I supposed it’s not the worst thing she’s ever put on. But still...with the light bouncing off all that yellow sateen, it’s like a f-cking boob eclipse. And she doesn’t exactly look young and By Lainey • May 03, 2010 07:41 am
Jessica Simpson As predicted... Porny was so cute and casual and pretty yesterday at the airport. Click here for a refresher. However, as I noted at the end of that article: “But watch, tomorrow on the talk shows she’ll be back to what they make her: too old and too tacky. If only By Lainey • Mar 11, 2010 04:17 am
Break Ups Written for Jessica, meant for Lindsay Jessica Simpson continues to hook up and break up with men who humiliate her. As if it wasn’t enough that he dumped her the night before her birthday, Us Weekly reports that Tony Romo apparently also announced the break up to everyone living in his gated community, informing security By Lainey • Jul 27, 2009 09:22 am
Douchebags It’s helping... We are helping? As imaginary friends of Jessica Simpson, I think our work is working. No more articles on People.com from “friends” describing that she’s sad and mopey and a total loser sitting on her mom’s couch drunk texting Tony Romo. Instead, two sightings in a row By Lainey • Jul 24, 2009 08:23 am
Break Ups Enough wallowing Good. Porny is going back to the gym. She wallowed in her jammies for a couple of weeks after Tony Romo bailed on her and now, obviously, she called up Ken Paves, told him to do her hair, had a makeup artist come by and apply the “natural” look, and By Lainey • Jul 22, 2009 05:08 am
Break Ups He peed on Porny’s love Why did Romo walk out on Porny? According to Radar John Mayer’s been f-cking around again. Word is everything between Jessica Simpson and QB1 was great…until last Thursday when he found out that Douchebag was still texting her. She was all cagey about the messages and when he By Lainey • Jul 14, 2009 12:22 pm
Break Ups Here come the pants Oh no. Oh girl, oh no. I am still not Jessica Simpson’s friend. Neither are you. So we can’t help her. And she will need help. A LOT of help. People.com is reporting that she’s been dumped by Tony Romo again. It happened last Thursday, the By Lainey • Jul 13, 2009 08:24 am
Amazingness Porny in the morning! She knew we needed her. And she delivered, just like Mimi. Tiger Woods held his pro am yesterday in DC and invited Tony Romo. With Romo came Porny. She tucked her bits into a tight striped dress and sang the national anthem. LOVE what was written on the Washington Post By Lainey • Jul 02, 2009 02:30 am
Jock Smut Porny’s skinny jeans It’s like that episode of Sex & the City – Miranda rediscovers her skinny jeans. Most women are familiar: we have fat jeans and we have skinny jeans. Fat jeans for when we suck. Skinny jeans for when we don’t suck as much. Jessica Simpson, since that amazing performance By Lainey • Jun 05, 2009 03:13 am
Jock Smut Jessica Simpson emerges cruise-bound She’s maintained a very low profile since completing her country tour. But with the confirmation last week that she’d been dumped by her country label, yet another Fail notch on her Fail Bait, it was time to show face and stick her chin up and out. Never let By Lainey • Apr 13, 2009 03:13 am
Jock Smut Porny Country Fail Oh Porny. Am told by sources exclusively that Jessica Simpson fired her band last week after suspending the tour. She’s taking a year off. Which essentially means the label doesn’t want her, that country music doesn’t want her, that she needs to find something else to do. By Lainey • Feb 24, 2009 08:25 am
