Welcome Back. Whodunit?

Duana Posted by Duana at March 16, 2012 15:42:55 March 16, 2012 15:42:55

The Vampire Diaries Season 3 Episode 16 

It should be categorically impossible to miss fictional people as much as I do, but IΓÇÖve decided to neglect the part of me that feels like maybe this level of empathy for fictional people and the ways their families mess them up is a little overstated.     

Okay, so previously, Stefan loved ΓǪyou know, that girl; Rebecca wants to kill a white oak tree (standby on clarity for that); Ric was dating a ΓÇ£dirty DoctorΓÇ¥ and got shot for his troubles when he found her bags,  and Elena barely made the preview.

So we begin, and this is where VD is at its best.  Throw the information at you as fast as they can and mix the backstory

In 1912, ΓÇ£Mr SalvatoreΓÇ¥ and ΓÇ£Sherriff ForbesΓÇ¥ discuss each othersΓÇÖ relative safety when leaving the town hall.  I mean, those are in fact their names, they just donΓÇÖt look like anyone we know.  Salvatore gets about three steps away and takes a knife to the gut.    

And then we fade into present day, and hey! Adult scene!  Mrs.  Lockwood and Sherrif Forbes have some nattering at one another to do, about whether or not thereΓÇÖs a suspect for the recent murders.

And then Alaric wakes up, bloody, in a cell.

Damon is mad that Forbes is detaining Ric because of what Dr. Fell said ΓÇô that he came at her with a knife.  All his protests that he found it in her stuff seem not to matter, and Forbes is all ΓÇ£IΓÇÖm a corporate shill, and IΓÇÖm going to stick to the letter of the lawΓÇ¥.  IΓÇÖd say she looks like sheΓÇÖs being played by a different actress but the overacting is the same.

ElenaΓÇÖs running, MattΓÇÖs too tired.  He gets her to stop by telling her BonnieΓÇÖs with her mom, whoΓÇÖs gonna become a vampire.  CarolineΓÇÖs going to help, and Elena is just alarmed at how much this is her fault, and how much she canΓÇÖt do.  Elena gets a call from Forbes, and takes off for the courthouse/jail/town hall.

DamonΓÇÖs here, and is distracted by ElenaΓÇÖs giant sweatshirt, but tells her the only option is either to kill the mean doctor, orΓǪnot.  HeΓÇÖs cruel when she says he could show compassion for BonnieΓÇÖs mom, but as he points out ΓÇ£IΓÇÖm mean, you hate me.  The world is back on its axisΓÇ¥.  Point, Damon.

StefanΓÇÖs doing his impression of a tortured writer, and Damon arrives to make fun of him, and talks about the ΓÇ£Wondertwin PowersΓÇ¥ they can use.  I love him, in case you didnΓÇÖt know.  Anyway, DamonΓÇÖs looking for information about when ΓÇ£ZachariahΓÇ¥ was killed, and Stefan knows it was 1912.  Damon points out the serial killer then is like the serial killer now ΓǪ

StefanΓÇÖs diary flashback, and lots of pretty sepia shots at a funeral!   ΓÇ£Marianna LockwoodΓÇ¥ and ΓÇ£Samantha GilbertΓÇ¥ tell Stefan theyΓÇÖre sorry about the death of his uncle.   Stefan digs for death details, and the girls debate whether founding family privileges  mean he should know that he was murdered or not.  And then thereΓÇÖs crow imagery!

Damon arrives IN A BOWLER, and the two havenΓÇÖt seen each other in 50 years.   TheyΓÇÖre fighting, again, some more.  DamonΓÇÖs pouty that heΓÇÖs a vampire, and Stefan looks like he miiiight be sorry about that.  So they go to get a drink.  All of this is happening in front of ΓÇ£Myrtle HornblattΓÇ¥ΓÇÖs gravestone, in case you wondered.

And in the present day, the guys discuss getting a drink.  Stefan refers to Alaric as DamonΓÇÖs ΓÇ£best friendΓÇ¥, and I squee.  Damon wants to solve the murder.

The only restaurant in town.  Rebekah is meeting with Mayor Lockwood.  SheΓÇÖs trying to find the tree she wants, and the Mayor thinks it was cut down.  Damon and Stefan come in, and Damon gives her the look of ΓÇ£we both know that I know what I knowΓÇ¥, as the Mayor tells her the Salvatores used to own all the logging mills.

Damon starts to be all Veronica Mars about the crimes but starts to be concerned at StefanΓÇÖs booze consumption/lack of blood consumption.  Stefan defends himself by proving heΓÇÖs listening.  Everyone whoΓÇÖs killed is on the FoundersΓÇÖ Council.  Rebekah smarms up.

Alaric is trying to defend himself against the allegations that he was with/near Meredith Fell during all the various killings.  He screeches that he was in a drunk haze for most of the season, so he canΓÇÖt remember/be blamed.  But there ainΓÇÖt no alibiΓǪ

The Grill.  Rebekah finds out that Zachariah was their ΓÇ£nephewΓÇ¥ inasmuch as their dad got a maid pregnant soΓǪthen she moves on to wondering about the logging mills.  Damon accuses her of just wanting more sex.  She denies, which means itΓÇÖs only a matter of time.  Then Stefan gets annoyed, but not before Damon accuses him of maybe being the murderer.  ItΓÇÖs all a bit foggy, which set of murders theyΓÇÖre talking about.  So then they talk about ΓÇ£SagΓÇ¥ΓÇÖ, prompting Damon to say ΓÇ£speaking of good sexΓǪΓÇ¥ Just so you know, this show aired at 7 PM in Canada last year.

So old-timey Damon and Stefan go into a speakeasy-style tent where a lady is knocking dudes out in a ring, and Stefan offers to teach Damon to survive without human blood, but Damon is all righteous (except for the lusting over Sage).  For those who find his hair concerning, itΓÇÖs all flopping over his forehead.

Damon and Sage flirt; heΓÇÖs like ΓÇ£IΓÇÖm not a gamblerΓÇ¥.  

Current day.  Stefan wonders whether Sage was the murderer, and Rebekah calls her a whore.  Stefan points out nobody would have thought of a woman murdererΓǪ

Which is why we cut to Elena accusing Meredith of being evil.  Meredith quickly tells Elena she knows nothing about Alaric, and that he was arrested for fighting, that his wife filed a restraining order against him, and that Elena is stupid for not looking into the ΓÇ£borderline-alcoholic vampireΓÇ¥ before living with him.   Then Meredith says Elena dates vampires ΓÇô note the plural! ΓÇô so this shouldnΓÇÖt be a surprise to her.   Elena = speechless.

Moooooore drinking.  RebekahΓÇÖs digging further into the olΓÇÖ Salvatore family tree, but Damon cuts her off, taking Stefan and a bottle away.

Elena and Matt break into MeredithΓÇÖs.  There we go!  Matt thinks she handed over all the evidence, and Elena knows that Meredith is a liar AND a member of the founding families.  And somehow this means itΓÇÖs her walk-in closet that will hold the answers.     I love you, Elena.  She finds a secret closet and lets her henchman break in to grab a filebox.

It contains files on Ryan Walters, Bill Forbes, and Alaric.

Bar, STILL.   Rebekah interrupts their darts game to opine that women could easily kill men, which could be about herself, Meredith, or Sage.  I believe this point has been made, THANKS.  Anyway, Damon says Stefan is grumpy because heΓÇÖs on ΓÇ£The Master CleanseΓÇ¥.   Heh.   Then he reads from StefanΓÇÖs old diary: ΓÇ£Damon has lost his way, but I havenΓÇÖtΓÇ¥.  Rebekah gets in on this too.  This might be flirty, but it seems siblingy.   

Olde-time Damon eats, and Sage tells him heΓÇÖs doing it wrong, that a woman is for pleasure.  Damon doesnΓÇÖt need pleasure because heΓÇÖs spoken for.  Sage thinks thatΓÇÖs stupid, that all a vamp has is pleasure to cut through the direness.

Back to the tent of beating-each-other-to-a-pulp.  She points out how he wants the buttoned-up women who canΓÇÖt tear their eyes away, and essentially endorses that he seduce-slash-rape them.  Anyway, Damon and his heartbeat focus in on the women he met earlier at the funeral.

Then, present-day, Rebekah says her opinion of Sage as tramp comes from her being obsessed with brother Fynn back in the day.  Anyway, then Stefan heads out, because heΓÇÖs freaking out for some blood.  Damon makes him say it, just to be self-righteous.  Brotherhood!

Anwyay, Elena and Matt are still reading/snooping, Elena finds a Gilbert Journal, and even as Matt asks why itΓÇÖs here, because he likes exposition, he points out that the county coronerΓÇÖs office says the time of death is off.  And then they hear footsteps and hide in the closet, and there are any number of jokes to be made here.

Meredith DRINKS COFFEE.  She TOSSES HER KEYS on the table.  She wears a LEATHER JACKET!  And then as the music swells; she goes out again.  Oh wait, no she doesnΓÇÖt, because Elena and Matt open the door and sheΓÇÖs RIGHT THERE.

ForbesΓÇÖ office.   Elena and Matt are in trouble for having broken the law.  Anyway, theyΓÇÖre like ΓÇ£we have an alibi for RicΓÇ¥ and if you thought ForbesΓÇÖ acting would have come down a notch,  you are wrong.  So they both have the same letter clearing Alaric,  which will spring him as soon as itΓÇÖs ΓÇ£authenticatedΓÇ¥.  Honestly, she could have slapped these two a little harder, or maybe, under the circumstances, an escorted ride home?  No?   

Damon and Rebekah do that brisk nighttime walk where if you donΓÇÖt get to your next location you might just sleep on the street.  They talk about Stefan, whom theyΓÇÖre following, and how heΓÇÖs all ΓÇ£one extreme or the otherΓÇ¥.  Damon sees a blonde appear, drinks from her, Stefan watches, and stops him; Damon begs him to eat some of the girl to break his tweakage, and save the girlΓÇÖs life.  If he doesnΓÇÖt eat from her, Rebekah will kill her.  DamonΓÇÖs trying to show Stefan how to fight his blood addiction.   What I like about this is how little of it is played in vampire fast-forward.   Stefan thinks about it, anticipates, gets quivery ΓÇô and then finally eats.  As he settles in, Damon tells Rebekah to get lost, and calls him an ΓÇ£arseyΓÇ¥ or some muttered insult like that thatΓÇÖs barely not a swear.   And then Damon turns the girl into a vampire...

ΓǪand then the unescorted Matt and Elena come upon the two of them, and Elena isnΓÇÖt sure who sheΓÇÖs more disgusted by.  Damon tells her to relax, and the only thing I donΓÇÖt like about these two is how condescending he is to her.  Stefan is, of course, heartbroken that Elena saw him falling from grace.

Gilbert house.  Matt gives Elena a mug, and how many times have we seen this scene?  He doesnΓÇÖt get her ΓǪΓÇ¥thingΓÇ¥ (for them, one assumes).  She couches it in ΓÇ£Stefan used to feel safeΓÇ¥, but I mean, itΓÇÖs not just him.  We know this.  She says she knew he would never stop loving her, never die. Like her parents.  Everyone clear?

As for Damon, she says Damon snuck up on her.  She canΓÇÖt shake him.  IsnΓÇÖt that the more interesting dilemma?  Matt says once you fall in love with someone, you can never shake him, and we vaguely remember that he loves her, probably forever.  I know IΓÇÖve talked about how I find him superfluous, but this is a nice continuum, that he will always love her.  Anyway, he stole the Gilbert Journal from MeredithΓÇÖs.  

Alaric arrives, he and Elena hug, and this hug was described as not-totally-platonic on the Twitter.  Exec. Producer Julie Plec jokingly blamed Matthew DavisΓÇÖ porny fan fics, but I think itΓÇÖs how the camera lingers on the hand that lingers at her waist.   IΓÇÖve said it before and IΓÇÖll say it again: Dobrev has chemistry with everyone, for better or worse.

Emo Stefan in front of a fire makes Damon somewhat Emo-ey as he points out Ric was released.  Damon points out that Stefan ΓÇ£did really well tonightΓÇ¥ and wants him to be the ΓÇ£King of ModerationΓÇ¥.  He also outlaws ΓÇ£No-humanity StefanΓÇ¥.  This rehabby business is fun.  Anyway, Stefan says itΓÇÖs stupid that Damon is trying to get Elena to hate him, and that he doesnΓÇÖt need DamonΓÇÖs help.  

So then weΓÇÖre back in 1912, and Damon is encouraging Stefan to drink a humanΓÇÖs blood as Sage beats the pulp out of yet another dude.  1912 Damon says 1912 Sage reminded him that itΓÇÖs worth it, and then points him toward 1912 Marianna Lockwood.   And then they talk about ΓÇ£having a drinkΓÇ¥ together and it gets a little clearer.  In 1912, as in the present day, Stefan gets greedy and tries to drink the woman dry ΓÇô and when Damon tries to stop him, heΓǪbreaks her neck?  ItΓÇÖs dark and therefore unclear.  Stefan is horrified, and goes into an ΓÇ£IΓÇÖm so sorryΓÇ¥ panic.  Damon wants to help, but Stefan wonΓÇÖt let him, and thus began ΓÇ£the ripper of MontereyΓÇ¥.   Damon feels terrible that he watched him go over the edge and didnΓÇÖt stop him.  He admits he didnΓÇÖt want to.  But now he does.  DamonΓÇÖs redemption is going to be pulling Stefan back from going too far ΓÇ£every second, every day, until you donΓÇÖt need meΓÇ¥.  They are kissing-close as Damon says he has to, heΓÇÖs all he, Damon, has, and did you guys see what Plec, Dobrev, and Somerhalder gave Kevin Williamson for his birthday?  The Entertainment Weekly cover that was, um, minus Elena.  So IΓÇÖm just saying.

Speaking of, sheΓÇÖs on the couch reading the journal.  Alaric comes down to make coffee, but sheΓÇÖs going to bed.  He says the sherriff told her what she did, and he doesnΓÇÖt want her to get into any more trouble for him.  He says heΓÇÖs supposed to look after her, and she offers that they look after each other.  ITΓÇÖS TOO MUCH ITΓÇÖS TOO INTIMATE.  Did I mention thereΓÇÖs a fire burning behind her?  Anyway, the journal belonged to Samantha Gilbert.   

Damon, mournful at the piano.  Stefan dug into the family archives.  They pout at one another, until Stefan points out that they got a confession for the FoundersΓÇÖ Murders 10 years later.  Apparently Samantha Gilbert confessed to the crimes 10 years later.     DamonΓÇÖs all ΓÇ£ThatΓÇÖs weird, I killed her before thatΓÇ¥.  

Knock knock ΓÇô itΓÇÖs Meredith for Alaric.  He yells at her a whole lot, and then she says she forged the coronerΓÇÖs note to clear him.  SheΓÇÖs all ΓÇ£I need you to trust me, if you let me inΓÇ¥ and then I know sheΓÇÖs a vampire doctor?  Something?

ElenaΓÇÖs reading, in her bedroom, and the diary gets crazier and illegible-er.   Samantha is ΓÇÿlosing herselfΓÇÖ, ΓÇ£running out of timeΓÇ¥, etc.

Back at the Salvatores, Stefan wonders if Samantha Gilbert is still killing people?   Damon says if she was a vampire, theyΓÇÖd know.  Stefan wonders about a magic ring?  Damon said it wouldnΓÇÖt protect her from old age.  There are two Gilbert rings: JeremyΓÇÖs and AlaricΓÇÖs.  This is fun!

Alaric doesnΓÇÖt really understand why all the victims were killed by AlaricΓÇÖs weapons, including himself.   MeredithΓÇÖs all ΓÇ£have you blacked out?  Would you know if you were killing people? How many times can you die before the ring changes you?ΓÇ¥  Anyway, she thinks heΓÇÖs sick and she wants to help him.  She says this happened 100 years ago.  Elena is listening, and then says she thinks  Meredith is right ΓÇô as she clutches the diary.    

And then weΓÇÖre back to when olΓÇÖ Zachariah got killed, and indeed, it seems it was Samantha.  Wearing a Gilbert ring.

I mean, would we accept this from any other show?  Rebekah just abandons her mission halfway through the episode because Damon says so, and weΓÇÖre flip-flopping on Meredith twice between each commercial break.  

But itΓÇÖs so much fun, does it matter?

Photos:
The CW

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